Maelstrom 17 Conversations Part 1 Maelstrom 17
by illmatar
Summary: Part 1 is fluff...leading into some really heavy stuff. Has Magnus, Arcee, Springer, Marissa, Rodimus Prime, Optimus Prime, Hot Rod, ... Oh never mind. Read the intro... M for language and themes. See previous stories - this is part 17 of a series.
1. Chapter 1

Maelstrom Chapter 30  
Conversations in a Kitchen: Chapter 1 Part A

Author's note: This story is part of a LONG series called Maelstrom. It is strictly Gen. 1 - sorry, but that was all that was out when I started writing back in the late 1980's. It began as a fan-publication so the first chapters are in the form of a comic book! If you have not read the nine original **Maelstrom Comics** and the preceding text stories, I strongly suggest you do. This is a complex universe. They can be found at http// illmatar. deviantart. com (I have put double spaces between the URL here or FF . Net eats the link.) The comics and art which accompanies this series are there...and believe me I am a better artist than writer.

**Most chapters of this series contain strong language and violence. Rated M for adult themes! Really! Transformers characters belong to Hasbro. Critiques adored! This scene contains strong language, violence, and sex. Rated M for adult themes! **

**  
Transformers characters belong to Hasbro. Story and OC characters are mine. Critiques adored!  
**

Hello again,

I will once again, and hopefully for the last time, beg for indulgence here. This next section is a tough sell. That's because it isn't really a story at first, it's a ...well...let's just say that some chicks put on perfume and eyeliner but I wrote fanfic to land my true love.

This is a Crossover with a TF verse you've never heard of. It was never intended to be part of the Maelstrom mainline...it was written originally for an audience of one. That one would be the guy I married. I lived in Cleveland. He lived in Miami. We met at Botcon Dayton 1994, but we became friends at Botcon Chicago 1995. We sat in a lobby, in front of a big screen TV, kindly provided by the hotel staff, watching TF the Movie till all hours of the morning and laughing like loons.

He explained his version of things to me - heavy on the angst, REALLY heavy on the Magnus, and I nearly died laughing with how similar some aspects of our stories were. He started writing because "Only Human" both intrigued him and pissed him off, just like it did me. We both thought the concept was sorta fun, but the execution was absolutely pitiful. Of course what else could they do in a 20 minute cartoon?

After the con, the phone calls started....and...well... Let's say one of my bills was $900 and getting married was cheaper. But...until we got that far we brain-stormed a lot, and one of the things we "what if'ed" was what his version of everyone would do if my universe paid theirs a visit. I wrote the first 100 pages or so –(yes you read that right) but never quite finished it. When the new TF movie was announced I got sort of juiced and decided, if nothing else, I would get my guys home.

As the story progressed however I realized something. My guys characters needed this....Rodimus in particular NEEDED to gain some distance and some perspective. Events leading into the Crossover are truly awful, even by his standards, and he needs the break. Even more, he's not seeing the forest for the trees as it were, but is unlikely to even notice the trees with his head sunk into the body of the slave trade like some kind of entrenched tick.

Translation: The first 100 or so pages of this are necessary fluff. They are fun (I think) but mostly harmless. The second hundred are the best writing I have ever done up till then, but still fluff...and the third and fourth section are the lead ins to the absolute best, nastiest stories I have ever written - which may or may not be saying something. I've gotten a lot of fan mail up to this point, and the stories I've posted are pretty embarrassing to me - to the point I needed lots of friends bugging me before I got up the nerve to post them. I suppose if the weak work deserves praise (?!) then the stuff I am really proud of might be good for something.

I finally bring back the Cons and sink my teeth into the Matrix, the Jabez, and Vector Sigma. And I kill Danny. That outta be worth the price of admission if nothing else is. You just have to endure 100 pages of fluff first.

OK...brief run down on Mike's universe - which he has written stories for - but they are all on notebook paper. Someday he will post them - they are seriously well written - but I have to let him have some computer time first. Heh. Don't hold your breath.

1. In Mike's verse the Transformers breed and have familial lines (we use human familial relationship terms - i.e. father, mother, brother, etc. - simply because we haven't had the chance to really brainstorm anything else). Optimus and Magnus are half brothers - Alpha Trion is their father. Hot Rod is Optimus and Elita's son - activated since the Autobots got involved with Earth. He's literally 15 at the time of this story.  
2. Springer is Ironhide and Chromia's kid.  
3. Ultra Magnus was being raised by his mother after she broke off with A3. Their city-state was razed by a Quintisson assault and most of the colonists were killed. Magnus and his younger brother were enslaved by the Quints and eventually were taken to serve as gladiators. Magnus had most of his memories suppressed, and has a fighting style unheard of among the Autobots. His color scheme is black, grey and hematite, and if you think the Magnus from the movie was a stiff you haven't seen anything yet. This guy is a walking mushroom cloud. When he is rescued (By Kup primarily) he is incapable of rational speech and needs to be "tamed" basically. He remains emotionally locked down. Once he comes back to himself, he rockets up the military hierarchy on Cybertron long before anyone even realizes who he is. The Autobot council of Elders pushes him on Optimus because they don't like the lack of progress on Earth and Earth's governments are demanding the status quo with the Decepticons start changing.

Op and Magnus don't much like each other.

4. Bad day at the office = fight with Cons, resulting in an explosion at a research facility. (Like I said, this was Mike's answer to lameness in Only Human.) Magnus, Springer, Arcee, Hot Rod, and Foul Play (a Decepticon jet) end up human. They get dumped at Spike and Carly's cause no one knows what else to do with them. Marissa helps too. They need to relearn to walk, and need to be potty trained. Details of this stuff made me laugh till I cried.

At one point (they are stuck for almost 2 years) Springer over throws a football and Foul Play chases it into the road - into oncoming traffic. Oncoming traffic = Optimus Prime. Magnus pushes her out of the way and gets run over by a semi. Long recuperation = the start of some emotional healing too...and the start of a relationship with Marissa. However, the first night in the emergency room freaks out the others badly. Springer is certain he's gonna be toast for throwing the ball in the first place and takes his anxiety out on Hot Rod. This starts a long bout of teasing Springer gets into the habit of, and eventually Hot Rod just snaps and they kick the snot out of each other. They are patching things up when my guys crash the party.

Foul Play is a nervous wreck for the longest time. She's no coward, but she's in a squishy body in the same house with Ultra Fucking Magnus and it continually surprises her that she isn't dead yet.

Everyone's appearance is fairly straightforward. Magnus pushes seven feet, has light brown hair, and two-toned grey eyes. (Dark rings, light middles) Built. Hot Rod is slightly under six feet tall, red head, BRIGHT Autobot blue eyes, and built more like a sprinter. Springer is blond, green eyes, 6' 8", but weighs nearly as much as Magnus because he's built like a weight lifter.  
Arcee and Foul Play are both around 6' tall. Arcee's blonde, dark blue eyes, slim, strong. Foul Play - straight black hair, violet eyes, track runner legs.

The rest is self-explanatory.

Conversations in a Kitchen - Chapter 1  
Part A  
Getting to Know You

"I can't believe you are doing this to me."

Optimus knew he was supposed to be intimidated by that statement, but it was hard when the speaker was only a little over six feet tall. Rodimus stood with hands on his hips, head cocked to one side with an ironic, if bemused smile on his face.

"Get out of here. If you wait, you're just asking for something to happen, and no, we won't listen to you even if it does." Optimus smiled, but there was a hard edge to his voice. "Do you remember the vacation you sent me and Elita on? This is payback. Besides, Elita doesn't want you anywhere near her until you can remember you aren't the only one who walks silently anymore. It took three hours to restore her paint job after you shot her."

"I didn't shoot her!" Rodi protested. "She dodged."

"If I'd been one iota slower you'd have blasted my head clean through Rodimus Prime! Go away! Rest! Come back with some clarity!" Elita also smiled, but the edge in her voice had icicles in it.

Rodi cursed under his breath, blushing. "I said I was sorry!" he tried.

"GO AWAY!" Optimus and Elita commanded in unison. They'd been practicing.

Lancer grinned appreciatively up at Optimus and took Rodi's hand.

"They have a point Mighty Autobot. Your mutinous army managed to convince you the date was something entirely different and you fell for it."

"Your friends did the same to you."

"True, but I'm in space. The 'Bots hid the real date from you in spite of all the newscasts, paperwork, and everything else. If you're that burned out then something has to be done."

Rodimus stuck his tongue out at her, thought about it, and stuck his tongue out at Op for good measure. "You still didn't need to tell everyone to completely ignore me until I got back from vacation."

Optimus snorted. "Sure I did, otherwise you'd never leave. Besides, you'd be amazed at how many people said, 'Huh? You mean we were supposed to be listening to him? Gee, I never realized!'"

This time Rodimus really did swear and Optimus and Elita laughed at him. Lancer fought it, but only so she could snicker in Rodi's face when he glared at her.

"Traitor," Rodi snarled at his mate. "I can't believe you are going for this either."

"Hey I'm tired too, and when I shoot people, I don't miss!" she simpered at him. Lancer hoisted up her bag. They were packed for a long vacation - a vacation ordered by Optimus and First Aid, and strongly encouraged by her own worried friends. First Aid was complaining about Rodimus' tendency to neglect himself, and the Maelstrom crew were nervous around an increasingly tired and edgy Lancer.

Lancer was nursing a few minor wounds from a rash of recent slaver battles. She was grateful to Marissa for the Captain's ever increasing efficiency uncovering slave-runners, but it meant the breaks the Maelstrom crew was used to between fights were all but eliminated. Before the Autobot alliance, the Maelstrom would often go months while they searched. Now they had no sooner dealt with one operation when Marissa had two more waiting for them. Pagan was in her glory, and nothing ever seemed to ruffle Jordan and Claudia, but Lancer was tired to her bones...and of course no one mentioned Danny.

Rodimus was focusing less on slave runners since Maelstrom had joined them, but he still did some. Most of his time was spent securing Cybertron and researching the bigger fish - the Sponsors. Once in a while though there was a slave ring Maelstrom couldn't get to in time and he took action. In the last month there had been three bloody missions - one on Cybertron. Two on Earth. And of course...there was the hunt for those involved with Danny...and those involved with them...and those involved with them....

The last year had been particularly gory and while Optimus didn't know the specifics, the elder Prime did take notice when his partner took wild shots at Elita when she walked into a room behind him. That incident alone had reduced Rodimus' first reaction to this idea from a full blown tirade to a frail pout. He didn't want to take a vacation, but he had to admit that he needed to. Having Elita sneak up on him worried him. The weirder fact that he'd allowed all of his people to trick him into thinking his "anniversary" was still two weeks off, worried him even more.

Lancer threw another grateful look at their friends - especially Malice, who had Edana and the baby. "You get your vacation when we get back," she whispered in her friend's ear, giving the slim telekinetic a warm hug.

"I will hold you to that," Malice replied, "but you need it more."

Lancer hugged her again, took Rodi's hand and scooped up her teleporter.

The assassin frowned at the device with prejudice. Perceptor and KC had used Maelstrom's technology to figured out how to improve the Jabez designs until they functioned nearly flawlessly, but Lancer's old distrust remained. After all, the last time they'd used the damned thing they'd been marooned for almost a year. However, it was the only way they could show up anywhere without fear of being traced. She told herself she was being silly, and took Rodi's hand again. He smiled the first truly genuine smile she'd seen in weeks, and they activated the system. Destination - South Florida.

Lancer's fears proved entirely too mild.

A trip that should have lasted about five seconds took nearly two minutes. The very atoms of their bodies were stretched single-file between their home and their destination - arriving one at a time through a micro-wormhole and then reassembled on the spot. The process made you feel sick no matter how fast it was, but this time it took even longer than their first marooning.

They landed hard. The pain and exhaustion they had been sent to recover from multiplied ten-fold and both felt dizzy and nauseous. The teleport had taken much too long, so they were momentarily grateful they landed at all in spite of feeling ill...at least until Lancer looked up from the damp grass and saw the sky eclipsed by falling bodies. Too disoriented and sluggish to move in the split second she had, hundreds of pounds of solid flesh landed right on her. The weight crushed the wind out of her and it was several moments before she could even draw enough breath, let alone protest the pounding she was getting. She was too pinned to fight. Her first dazed response was too panic completely, but fortunately Rodimus could see what was really happening. His mental warning keep her from simply blasting her way to the surface.

OK. They weren't attacking her. They were playing football, of all things. That didn't mean she liked where she was. She still couldn't budge, but the writhing heap did move enough to let her pull in a big lung-full of air. Her body wanted the oxygen, but she choose to make another use of it.

**"GET THE FUCK OFF ME YOU STUPID BASTARDS!" **

Rodimus struggled to get to his feet to help her while the confused pile of people tried to sort themselves out. He was dizzy, and Lancer's shouting wasn't helping her really because the men on top of her kept looking around to see where the new voice was coming from. Rodi finally recovered enough balance to head over and simply pick the smallest person right off the top of the pile. His intention was to set the young man on his feet, but what he saw froze his arm mid-air. He let the person dangle while he gawked.

"Hey! Lemme go," the boy shouted, and then he finally looked at who was holding him. He went limp in Rodi's grasp and gaped.

It was like looking in a mirror, a slightly distorted mirror, but there was no questioning the similarity. The boy he was holding was more slender, had slightly lighter hair, looked only about fifteen, and was pale with shock. It didn't matter. Rodi knew he was holding... himself.

"M..M...MAGNUS!" The boy yelped.

Magnus? Magnus. Definitely. Slightly blonder than the human Magnus they knew, with eyes a two-toned grey, but just as big, solid, and surly of face.

Lancer gasped in relief when he finally untangled his bulk and got up. Seven feet of solid muscle that felt like it was still made out of Cybertronian armor. When that got off of you blood circulated where none had been. Unfortunately the last remaining breathing land mass was almost as big.

"What, Hot Rod?" Magnus said in annoyance as he turned around. He froze when he saw his nephew dangling in the grasp of a very shocked, but disturbingly familiar looking man. For a moment the two red heads wore identical dumb-founded expressions, but the older man's eyes soon narrowed into a grim frown.

"Get the fuck off me!" Lancer said with a snarl, pushing at the last person, who was staring at Hot Rod and Rodimus with his mouth hanging open. The man in question was beefy, blonde, and pushing himself up to crouch over Lancer on his hands and knees. He was staring at Rodimus and she tapped a slightly taloned nail on his spiky head impatiently. His green eyes widened in shock - as if she couldn't possibly be where she was and he still didn't move until she really growled at him. He scrambled away from her quite quickly, and she was wobbling to Rodi's side the next instant.

Lancer could feel her mate's horror, and they quickly tried to sort out what had happened. He had no doubt about who the young man he held was, and unfortunately, he was sure Hot Rod knew who he was too.

Dimensional cross -if we're lucky! Not the way I like to prove Perceptor's mad theories Rodi sent. His mental voice had wild static all through it as implications and consequences roared through his brain. The fate of their children, their war, their worlds, and whatever damage they might do to the people in front of them. Not to mention the possibility that this was some kind of Jabez mind-game and they had fallen into a trap. Lancer shook her head.

Deal with now, she sent back. They both cursed the teleporter, as well as Op and his vacation. Lancer noticed a faint whiff of smoke from her belt, and knew the recall button was out of the question. They were stuck.

Rodimus had surges. He had no idea of the history of this dimension, or if the boy who still swung limp in his grasp was fated to lead a parade, let alone the Autobots. What he did know that if he had known the leadership would fall on his head in advance, he would have bolted in pure terror, never to be seen again. He put his young twin down, and grabbed for their bags.

We have got to get out of here! Rodi's sending to his mate wasn't so much words as an emotional necessity.

Rodi? What are we going to do?

LIE!

"Opps! I told you this wasn't the place," Rodimus said cheerfully to Lancer. "Sorry! Wrong turn! We were looking for the tupperware party! We'll get out now." He flashed them his best "innocent" smile, and then kicked himself. The three open mouths had just dropped another degree... Apparently they had seen that look before.

Should I zap them? Lancer asked mentally.

No! Just back up!

Into the pool?! He hated it when she got facetious.

Oh. Shit! My head's still swimming.

The pool would be a good place for it then, Lancer sent, and then paused. Mine too.

OK. We'll just go around them, Rodimus sent optimistically.

Uh-huh. They started quickly, if shakily, past the three gawkers, trying to make it look casual.

Magnus' mouth shut with an audible snap that went right through Lancer and Rodi. He didn't know what the hell was going on, but he sure wasn't going to let two strangers who magically appeared out of thin air just bluff their way out, particularly the one with Hot Rod's face...sort of. He let them get just past him, and then made a grab for Rodi's arm. Rodimus was expecting something of the sort, but he was still disoriented from the teleport. He moved more slowly than usual, but if this had been their own Ultra Magnus it wouldn't have mattered much. This guy was fast.

"Who are you?" Magnus demanded.

"Robin Leech...let me go."

"I've seen Robin Leech, you aren't him. Nice try," Magnus said, and then froze again. Size alone was usually enough for Magnus to subdue any thought of rebellion, but his captive's eyes had just turned an icy green. The resemblance to Magnus' nephew faded substantially and there was nothing cowed in the man's body posture. Magnus felt the muscles tense, but it didn't feel like the man was about to pull away.

Lancer decided to intervene before Rodi's paranoia about being held got them into even worse trouble. They were here because they were hair-triggered and over-reacting to everything. She was afraid of bloodshed.

"That's yes," she said, tapping Magnus' wrist. The nerves in Magnus' hand suddenly went dead, and Rodimus pulled away.

Run, he finally sent to Lancer.

Duh. They took off as fast as their unsteady legs would carry them, past the house towards the street. The house was familiar too - it had been their destination. The Witwicky's vacation home in Florida - Spike's only concession to the "perks" of being Earth's ambassador to Cybertron. They were in back of the sprawling eight bedroom craftsman-style home Carly had been restoring for years on their own plane. She had called it her hobby, but Rodimus privately suspected that being witness to so much destruction over the years made Carly keen to set things right in at least one place. Normally you would have called such a large estate a mansion but the Witwickies took pains to see their home never took on any air of pretension. It was simple, beautiful, and definitely the same house. Differences were automatically obvious to both of the newcomers though. Some of the remodeling they were used to hadn't been done. The pool was open, not covered. The garden was full of flowers, but no gazebo yet. Also, Rodi's own "remodeling" hadn't been done either. No teleport-sensitive motion detectors. No conversion scanners. No carefully hidden lasers in the flower beds. They didn't pause to examine or wonder about it, but they did stagger with less fear of triggering any defense mechanisms.

Magnus, Hot Rod, and Springer exchanged befuddled looks and took off after them.

Spike opened the side door of his home, and caught a glimpse of two rapidly moving bodies heading his way, with three more in hot pursuit. He didn't even bother to think Oh shit. The strangers dodged around him but they seemed drunk and the diversion slowed them down. Magnus saw Spike but kept coming like a train. He launched into a flying tackle which took down Lancer, Rodimus, and Spike, who was waiting in resignation. Hot Rod and Springer managed to avoid crashing into the pile-up, which Spike regarded as an improvement on his expectations.

"Damn it Magnus! Let us go!" Rodimus snapped, automatically growling orders at someone who looked too much like his City Commander to respond to otherwise. He was already bruised from the initial landing, now he was scraped up too. Worse, Lancer was getting annoyed.

"Who are you?" Magnus asked in a roar.

"Get off! We don't want to hurt you and you don't want to know us," Lancer snarled harshly. By this point, Carly, Arcee, Marissa, and Foul Play had rushed out of the house.(Usually, this much noise meant trouble, amusement, or both.) The visitors found themselves pinned and surrounded.

"Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck," Lancer said. You should have let me zap them, she sent to her panic-stricken mate.

Tell me about it! We have to get out of here! Hot Rod can't know about me!

Lancer propped herself up on an elbow to examine Hot Rod's face. The boy stood behind the others, wide-eye and wan. I think he already does.

"Who are you?" Magnus said again, his voice taking on a cold edge which indicated this would be the last time he'd be asking so nicely. He glared into Rodimus' eyes. Rodimus' mind wasn't so much on the angry man pinning him down as it was on how best to minimize the damage. He looked from Magnus, to Hot Rod, and back. Right now it looked like talk or fight. He didn't want to talk, but as sick as he and Lancer felt it was unlikely they could fight their way free without resorting to some really damaging tactics. There was also something about Magnus. Something hard and deep in the man's eyes which Rodimus understood on an instinctive level. If it came to a fight, this version of Magnus would fight to the death. Rodimus shook his head and prayed for clarity. Then he sighed, and dropped his eyes.

"My name is Rodimus Prime, Autobot Commander," he apologized. Magnus snapped back a bit but only shoved Rodimus harder to the ground. Lancer kept her eyes on Hot Rod's face. He seemed shocked, but not much more than the others. It was a puzzling response which made them that much more cautious. Obviously, there were differences they needed to be alert for when dealing with these people.

"Y..You mean that you're him?" asked the tall blonde with Arcee's voice. They both examined her more closely. Light blue eyes, shoulder-length, casual hair, and Arcee's face. It was hard to tell how tall she was from the ground though.

"No," said Lancer as she pulled herself out from under Spike. "I've had too many men on me today - can we wait to get to know each other better next time? It looks like we've hopped dimensions."

"How?" Marissa snapped suspiciously.

Lancer indicated her slightly charred teleporter belt, "Teleporter malfunction." She looked at her flattened mate. Some vacation.

Yeah. Pretty typical though, sent Rodi. Aloud he said, "Hey Magnus, are we going to stay here like this much longer or are you going to get off me? People will talk."

Magnus stood up with yet another sour glare, and scrutinized the pair before him. The young man's resemblance to their Hot Rod was undeniable. Still the red hair was darker, the blue/green eyes leaned more green, and while the face was very similar it was noticeably older. The most profound difference was his size. "Rodimus" was taller by six inches, and was far bulkier than Hot Rod's whippet-like build.

The woman was also muscular, graceful, and defiant. She wore her blonde hair in a tight, severe braid past her waist. Like her companion, she seemed tired and disoriented. Nevertheless, when Rodimus got to his feet he did it with a practiced grace that Magnus and his friends hadn't quite mastered yet. The woman flipped herself off the ground and stood next to Rodimus and slightly to the rear. Marissa automatically took note of the body language - the woman wasn't following the red-head, she was guarding his back.

Magnus remained very suspicious of their identities, and he could tell the others were too, particularly Marissa. The only one who seemed simply stunned was Hot Rod.

"You're an Autobot? How did you end up human?" Magnus demanded.

Rodimus glared. If this was a Jabez trap...but then if it was they already knew the answer to that question. Still, he elected not to take that question too literally. Even if this really was a different dimension no one would benefit from the gory details. "I can go back and forth at will," he said. The group looked at him in disbelief. He sighed, checked the area for witnesses and clearance, and shifted to Autobot form while Lancer studied the group for their reactions.

6' 1" of tired human male was suddenly replaced by 40+' of tired Autobot, again taller, darker, and bulkier than the Hot Rod they knew but unmistakably of the same design. Rodi tottered a bit and went down on one knee. He felt nearly as ill as an Autobot as he did human.

Hot Rod gawked for about two seconds, shook at the knees, and fell to them. No one managed to move to catch him so he wobbled in the grass looking vacant.

"I think I need to sit down," Magnus whispered, and he did right there.

Rodimus, looking down from on-high snickered to himself, deciding they looked like deranged lawn ornaments.

Spike and Carly were too amazed to have any clear thoughts but the general gist of what managed to form was, Oh great. More of them!

Foul Play was forcibly reminded of all her people's warnings about getting involved with the enemy.

Marissa said, "OK! We believe you! Now can you come down before you blow our cover?" Lancer smirked to herself, things might not be identical, but apparently Marissa could still be counted on to get right down to business. She smiled at her mate as he came back down to their level, and they decided at that moment to play the "just friends" angle again. Things were complicated enough.

Arcee and the last man (who turned out to be Springer) helped get Hot Rod inside. He mumbled anxiously about his legs not functioning. Rodimus offered Ultra Magnus a hand off the ground. Magnus looked at it suspiciously before accepting, and was surprised at how easily the other man helped him to his feet.

"Are you an Autobot too,?" Marissa asked Lancer, eying her curiously.

"No," said Lancer.

Marissa waited for more information, but apparently none was forthcoming. "What's your name?"

"Lancer."

"That's not your real name," Carly exclaimed.

"No. It isn't." Something in Lancer's tone of voice suggested it was time to change the subject. Carly fell back on her southern upbringing as a comfortable standby in times of chaos.

"Won't you both come inside for something to eat while we get all this sorted out?"

Lancer and Rodimus both smiled and accepted. It wasn't easy.

They followed Carly inside. The kitchen, as it was at home, was painted a warm, muted yellow and accented with dark wood cabinets and dark granite counter-tops. Antiques and simple art lined the walls and cabinets. It was warm, homey, familiar and a place this Carly's alternate was unlikely to ever see again. It broke their hearts.

The group filed in and found places to sit or lean. The assassins were not surprised when the first thing Carly did was pull out an enormous box of bandages. She insisted Rodimus sit down at the table. Lancer leaned on the counter next to him and took note that Magnus flanked his other side. She tried not to smile when Marissa slipped up beside her. Neither Magnus nor Marissa made any attempt to be subtle about it. The newcomers were obviously under guard.

Carly clucked over her husband's skinned palm. While she worked she asked Rodi, "Didn't you need lots of bandages around when you first became human?" she asked.

"I think I can safely say yes to that one," Rodimus said. Lancer sent him quelling irritation. They couldn't afford to play around with the truth. They wondered how much they should tell these people. At least Lancer's furtive conversion scans came up negative. No one here had been converted. It was pretty clear the humanized Autobots hadn't been tortured as Rodimus had, which left Lancer wondering how they HAD been changed. That left the visitors with the dilemma of how much to tell these people about what basically amounted to a version of their possible future. They were so busy sending these worried musings back and forth that Rodimus was surprised when Carly approached him with a sizable bandage.

He drew away from her instinctively.

"Don't you want that cut covered?" Carly asked worriedly. The Autobots she was used to couldn't wait to have the slightest cut wrapped under as many bandages as one could sanely apply to a given area. The sight of blood didn't panic them as much as it used to, but they were never too thrilled to see it. Rodimus was actively bleeding, a fact he was oblivious to.

"Uh..." he said, trying to figure out where he was hurt. Lancer helped him by sending the view she had of a four inch gash extending down his right forearm where Magnus' tackle had driven him into the pavement. He lifted his arm to look at it and grunted in surprise. "Oh...yeah. Go ahead." Lancer crossed her arms and glowered.

Hot Rod shook his head, took a long look at his alternate, and passed out on the kitchen table. Lancer had to suppress a laugh, not at Hot Rod as much as Rodi's vague disgust at his alternate's reaction.

Oh give him a break, it's totally understandable. You give your own friends the creeps sometimes, how do you think he feels?

Rodimus returned Lancer's sending with the mental equivalent of muttered curses while Carly fussed over his arm. She went to great pains to assure him it would all be fine in a few days, and he gave her an amused chuckle.

"I know. I'm fine Carly, don't worry."

There was a long awkward pause.

"You know my name," Carly said in sudden surprise, realizing that there really hadn't been any introductions. "There is someone like me where you come from?"

"Very much like you, actually, yes. In fact, I think I recognize everyone except for you," Rodimus said, smiling at the last woman. She was tall, strong, and had nervous violet eyes with an exotic tilt. The black cascade of hair down her back rippled a bit as she drew back and peered suspiciously at him.

She frowned and introduced herself, wondering what his response to her name would be. For all she knew they could be the bitterest of enemies. She was a bit chilled when she got the one reaction she didn't expect at all, none whatsoever. "My name is Foul Play. I'm a Decepticon," she said with a certain proud defiance.

Lancer and Rodimus exchanged a brief glance but didn't seemed shocked or outraged. Instead, Rodimus seemed concerned when he met Foul Play's eyes and shook his head slightly. They didn't know her at all, and for some reason this disturbed Foul Play. Lancer and Rodi sensed this even though she tried to conceal it. They attempted to make her feel better. The war with the Jabez had long since over-run Rodi's ingrained hatred of the 'Cons.

"It's very possible you do have a twin in our reality Foul Play. We don't know of many female Decepticons. They have been scattered a long time and are even rarer than Autobot females," Rodimus said gently. The scarcity of females was something so eternal and pervasive that Rodimus never considered it might be otherwise here. Fatigue poisons from the teleport made it difficult for him to dodge the assumptions he always tried so hard to avoid.

Their hosts looked confused and stared at them, even to the point where Arcee and Carly stopped fussing over Hot Rod. Lancer and Rodimus shared a sinking moment and mutually vowed to quit putting their feet in it.

"Females can't be THAT rare," Magnus said skeptically, "Your mother obviously exists." He felt he had just caught these invaders in a lie. Hot Rod finally came around and stayed up, he stared at Rodimus groggily from the other end of the table. Lancer smiled a little as she watched him swaying slightly with his elbows propping him up on the table. He looked drunk.

"My what?" Rodimus asked Magnus.

"Your mother. Elita One, she has to exist. Why would you say females are rare?"

Rodimus decided he wasn't hearing properly, had to be the teleport.

"My what?"

Hot Rod sat up a little straighter in confusion. "Don't you know your mother?" he asked, feeling a little sorry for his twin.

"H..Have you guys been adopting human familial titles or something? If so, I never met Elita until I was mature," Rodimus explained. Lancer snorted and he grinned at her. "OK. At least as mature as I ever got, anyway. She's a good friend but I've never regarded her as a parental figure, even figuratively." Why was it that this didn't seem to ease any of the obvious confusion of the people sitting around him? They were all still staring.

"Um...maybe they never told him or something...?" Springer whispered unsuccessfully to Arcee.

Rodimus looked into their uncomfortable faces. Things were beginning to slowly dawn on him and Lancer.

"You don't mean she's literally his mother?" Lancer's voice held a world of disbelief, as well as something more.

"Of course! Did something happen to separate you from your parents Rodimus?" Magnus wanted to know. For the first time there was some compassion in his voice.

"Parents? I'm almost afraid to ask this, but who would you assume to be my supposed father?"

"Why, Optimus Prime of course."

Carly flinched as Rodi's falling chair made marks on her floor. Lancer had chosen to stand, but that only made her immediate collapse that much more painful to witness. Of course, it was hard to feel too sorry for two full grown adults doubled up laughing. Lancer had actual tears rolling down her cheeks, and Rodimus held his gut in obvious pain.

Hot Rod's incensed "HEY! What's wrong with my parents?" did nothing to help them breathe.

"Nononono," Rodimus groaned. He tried to draw a real breath, looked at Hot Rod's offended face, and lost it completely all over again. Springer and Arcee apparently decided they were crazy, Foul Play looked disgusted over this inane display, and Ultra Magnus studied them as if they were an interesting new form of life. Spike and Carly had long since given up on any sort of sanity in their household, and merely waited for the fit to pass. Marissa smirked.

When the laughter finally did pass it was more because they were too tired to keep it up any longer than because the amusement faded. Rodimus loved and respected his partner and Elita, but the very idea of them as his parents was beyond anything he could imagine. He gasped, wheezed and finally got himself under control. Lancer was wiping the tears from around her eyes, and he saw a suspicious tremor run through her, but her control held.

"Do you mean to say Optimus and Elita are NOT your parents?" Magnus asked sharply.

"I'm an Autobot! I don't have parents at all! " Rodimus said as though the fact were obvious.

"How is that possible? How can you exist without parents?" Hot Rod wanted to know, not that the idea didn't have a certain attraction. He tried to imagine life without parents, and uncles too.

"We are programed by Vector Sigma," Rodimus said.

"Who?"

"You don't know Vector Sig...oh never mind. It's the computer which programs and activates us all, Autobots and Decepticons alike," Rodimus explained.

"That's it? That's cold," Arcee said.

Rodimus stopped for a second and thought about it. He had to agree with her, and tried briefly to imagine the state of his world without Vector Sigma's manipulation. "You have no idea," he told her.

"Well," Magnus said coldly. "You're going to give us one." The interrogation began.

Continued in Part B.


	2. Chapter 2

Maelstrom Chapter 30  
Conversations in a Kitchen: Chapter 1 Part B

Author's note: This story is part of a LONG series called Maelstrom. It is strictly Gen. 1 - sorry, but that was all that was out when I started writing back in the late 1980's. It began as a fan-publication so the first chapters are in the form of a comic book! If you have not read the nine original **Maelstrom Comics** and the preceding text stories, I strongly suggest you do. This is a complex universe. They can be found at http// illmatar. deviantart. com (I have put double spaces between the URL here or FF . Net eats the link.) The comics and art which accompanies this series are there...and believe me I am a better artist than writer.

**Most chapters of this series contain strong language and violence. Rated M for adult themes! Really! Transformers characters belong to Hasbro. Critiques adored! This scene contains strong language, violence, and sex. Rated M for adult themes! **

**  
Transformers characters belong to Hasbro. Story and OC characters are mine. Critiques adored!  
**

Conversations in a Kitchen - Chapter 1  
Part B

Continued from Part A!

The next several hours were a haze to Lancer and Rodimus, but they managed not to slip up anymore. They were assaulted by questions from all sides, but Magnus and Marissa were the most demanding, and the most frustrated. Magnus wanted to know everything from the date they'd left to the location of Autobot City. Rodimus refused to answer many of his questions and could almost see the suspicion and annoyance looming over Magnus' head like a thunder-cloud.

"How did you become human?"

"I won't tell you," Rodimus said softly. Magnus glowered - Rodimus looked back unfazed and unmoved.

"You can't tell me the details of a simple accident."

"How do you know it was an accident?" Lancer said coldly, returning Magnus' glare with one of her own. The others in the room felt the temperature drop a few degrees.

"We can't tell you much, Magnus. We don't want to compromise your future. Our presence here is bad enough. We may cause you harm without ever meaning to." Magnus remained openly unconvinced. He slammed his sizable hand on the table hard enough to shake the floor. Neither flinched.

"Magnus, you have to give them the benefit of the doubt! I seriously doubt the Decepticons have the capability to create a version of Hot Rod who can actually become both human and robot at will," Spike argued. "and it's not as though they could have brought proof with them."

Magnus grunted, and returned to his barrage with no more success than before. Used to getting his way out of pure intimidation most of the time, he was finding the unflappable visitors very annoying. In the next few hours he learned little other than that in Rodi's universe it was somewhere around the year 2020, that Metroplex was stationed in the same general area that it was here, that while Rodimus was a full commander he wasn't carrying the Matrix at this moment, and that Lancer had turned nasty looks into an art form. It wasn't until Rodimus started slurring his repeated "I won't answer that, is there anything else you'd like to know?", and Lancer was actually swaying slightly on her feet that Magnus also recognized how exhausted his victims were.

He and Marissa exchanged glances. They took stock of how pale the visitors looked, except for the deep, bruised circles under their eyes. Magnus realized with a nasty shock that this man with Hot Rod's face actually looked rather old, and certainly worn out.

"Maybe we should let our guests get some sleep, Magnus," Marissa suggested. Rodimus mumbled something about finding a hotel, and Magnus geared up for some nasty remarks about not letting them out of his sight when Carly cut him off.

"Don't be silly, we have plenty of room right here. Lancer can sleep in the same room with Foul Play, and Rodimus can stay with Ho....." Carly looked at Magnus's face and changed her mind. "He can stay in Magnus' room." She looked at the city commander for approval and got a slight nod. Lancer and Rodimus didn't say anything to each other, but they did exchange a long look. Watching them, Marissa noted with a start that they were nodding and reacting exactly as if they were speaking.

Lancer finally turned to Carly and said, "That's fine." Carly led them up the stairs with the others following closely, when the unmistakable sound of a hungry baby ricocheted through the house.

Carly sighed. "Spike, can you see to Daniel?" In the confusion it took to get Spike past all the bodies cramming the hall, only Marissa noted the effect the baby's cry had on the visitors.

Something in the way his body stiffened made Marissa move subtly from around Springer's back to get a better look at Rodimus' face. Rodimus had gone absolutely white with shock, his lips turned completely blue, and Lancer was gripping his arms supportively and staring into his eyes. By the time Spike got past everyone, they were mostly recovered, but Marissa could still see the faint sheen of sweat on Rodi's face. Still, in that brief instant before he put on an expressionless mask (which reminded her so much of Magnus that she was chilled) Marissa thought Rodimus looked...grief stricken. In that instant, she became convinced Rodimus and Lancer were exactly who they claimed, but somehow this only increased her curiosity. She couldn't imagine why the baby would cause such a response. She also noted the familiar way Lancer touched Rodimus comfortingly and had a sudden suspicion about why they'd gotten lost together.

Carly ushered Lancer into Foul Play's room and fussed longer than Lancer needed. The young mutant was nauseous from the teleport and would have been happy to lie down on the floor. The crowd in the doorway would have been funny if Lancer hadn't been so tired. Foul Play didn't look too pleased about having a roommate. Lancer decided to feel bad about it in the morning.

Rodimus was envious. His mate was asleep before they'd made it down the hall. He sensed Magnus' eyes trying to bore holes in him, but at the moment felt he could probably sleep through a Jabez interrogation. Which reminded him. Rodimus startled the glaring city commander by turning to him and motioning him aside while Carly made up the bed.

"Magnus..I need to tell you... there's...There's been a lot of fighting lately. We're both sort of...OK...We're both REALLY combat fatigued and hair-triggered. Can you warn the others? I'm afraid anyone who startles or touches us in our sleep might get hurt...or killed. Especially me..." Rodi's voice slurred sleepily again, but Magnus could tell he was genuinely concerned. Magnus studied Rodimus, trying to be objective, and noted anew the alien exhaustion on that familiar face. He held jealously onto his suspicions, but started to doubt that this was a Decepticon or Quintisson infiltration. Even they wouldn't send in operatives in this state.

"Why especially you?" Magnus asked.

Rodimus sighed. "I am prone to traumatic flash-backs and nightmares. Really. Keep your distance. If I am dreaming, get Lancer. She can handle me. At worst, throw things at me from across the room. If you wake me up the wrong way from a nightmare I strike to kill."

Ultra Magnus stared at the man in front of him, once again taken by surprise and once again suspicious. Could this be a Quint operative after all? Did they know he still flashed? Did they know nightmares made him an insomniac? How could they know? And if Rodimus was telling the truth then how could he just admit to such a shameful weakness?

Rodimus looked back at Magnus with eyes he could hardly keep open. Telling his reluctant room-mate about the nightmares was the only responsible thing to do, but what he really wanted was to leave this house completely.

Magnus merely answered Rodimus with a nod of understanding, and assured him that the others would be warned. Rodimus flashed him a weak smile, and fell into the spare bed before Carly was finished with it. She sighed in resignation at the strange man sound asleep on top of the blankets, and shooed the others out. It was just 7:00pm.

They all filed down the stairs in silence, unsure of how to even begin discussing this. When Marissa reached the kitchen, her eye fell on the two heavy duffel bags on the floor. She smiled, and grunted as she lifted the first on to the table.

"Geez, what do they have in these things?" she asked aloud. Magnus raised his eyebrows in approval, and picked up the second easily. Neither wasted any time opening the bag in front of them, much to Carly's indignation.

"You can't just go through their things Marissa," she cried as Marissa began pitching Rodi's clothes on to the table.

"Watch us," Magnus said, rudely piling a handful of Lancer belongings next to the stack Marissa was making.

"We HAVE to learn about these people Carly! You're too trusting! They may be what they claim, but they're hiding a lot." Marissa considered, then discarded the idea of telling Carly about Rodi's reaction to Daniel's cry. At that moment, Magnus came up with a handful of Lancer skimpier negligee, and found himself a little embarrassed. Marissa smiled and traded bags with him.

The top layers turned out to be perfectly mundane changes of clothes, and other personal items you'd expect from a couple on vacation. That was the first thing they noticed however. This was definitely a COUPLE on vacation. The styles of clothing indicated they weren't keeping the current fashion. There wasn't much that could account for the weight though.

Magnus suspected a false bottom in Rodimus' bag, but he couldn't find anyway to open it. Annoyed, he shoved the bag away from himself to go through the things on the table. He happened to put it in front of Hot Rod where he was sitting sullenly in his seat. Curious in spite of himself, Hot Rod tipped the bag forward and reached in to poke at the few bits of clothing Magnus had left behind.

Hot Rod yelped in surprise as a laser scanned his fingertips and the bottom of the bag folded back with a faint whirr. What he saw widened his eyes to his hairline. He couldn't speak.

"What?" Marissa asked, and came over in annoyance when he didn't answer. She stared also which caused Magnus to lean over and look. Springer and Arcee quit rummaging through the clothing long enough to see what could possibly have Ultra Magnus gaping in shock. Foul Play lurked stubbornly by the door. Spike and Carly were boycotting the kitchen in protest.

The bottom of Rodimus' bag was loaded with weapons, all neatly arranged and secured. Weird, archaic forms of weapons-daggers, needles, knives - human toys. Center-most was a pair of Japanese katana, which at least explained the length of the duffel bags. They also found a oddly shaped piece of equipment they couldn't even begin to identify. Smooth, white, and hexagonal, the device reacted when they touched it but they couldn't figure out why or what it was doing.

None of this was what had Magnus or the others gaping in shock, it was the photos.

It took a long time for Magnus to actually pick up the small bundle of photos which were incongruously secured amongst all the murderous toys. There were several pictures in the small pack, but no one was ready to confront them just yet. The top image was quite enough thanks.

The photo revealed a human child of about five or six. She had wispy, deep red hair about shoulder length, eyes an almost white-blue, and Hot Rod's ridiculous smile. All four of the people crowded around the photo looked at Hot Rod in shocked unison, then back down at the photo, then back up at Hot Rod. By this point even Foul Play couldn't contain her curiosity and looked as well. It wasn't until she did a similar double-take that Hot Rod started getting really nervous.

"What?" Hot Rod tried to sound irritated, but only ended up sounding scared. Without a word Magnus handed him the photo. Hot Rod fainted.

X

X

X

By the time the rest of them got through the remaining photos, they all were sitting at the table hoping they didn't join Hot Rod. There were a few more pictures of the little girl, but in at least two she was with a baby less than a year old. There were a few of Lancer and Rodimus together which left no doubts at all about their relationship, and some of other people the group couldn't identify. It took the rest of the evening to get Hot Rod through the entire set. They decided not to put him through the photo album, which contained an array of silly, and embarrassing photos of everything from Hot Rod tangled in a fishing line, to Lancer's bare behind as a two year old. There were also some surprising shots of Rodimus and Optimus, and Rodimus dipping a redesigned Elita One in a fashion that would have scandalized the group if Optimus hadn't been looking on in the background (AND if they hadn't kept the fact she WASN'T his mother firmly in mind.)

Springer and Arcee were fascinated by a few images of their other selves, mostly because it reminded them what they looked like as Autobots. They flirted shamelessly with each other by pretending to be attracted to the "strangers" in the photos. Foul Play couldn't decide whether to be amused or disgusted over they way they fawned over each other. Magnus was startled by his alternate. The basic body design was identical, but the colors weren't. Magnus knew his somber blacks and grays weren't typical of most Autobots, but he was used to them. Seeing himself done up in vivid reds, blues, and whites was rather a shock.

"Red, white, and blue?" he muttered under his breath.

"Hey, Magnus! Your twin looks like an American flag!" Springer grinned.

Magnus glared at him fiercely, and Springer quickly decided to go back to teasing Arcee.

"That pink one sure is cute," Springer said, glancing nervously at his commander to see if he was going to let the matter drop. "I wonder where I could meet someone like her?"

Magnus turned his attention back to the pictures while Arcee feigned jealousy. "Uggh," he said, "too cheerful."

From his voice, Marissa wondered if he genuinely didn't like the colors, or if he was disturbed by what they implied about his alternate - and himself.

The single picture in the loose stack that ended up disturbing Marissa the most was carefully hidden in her pocket before the others got a look. She only let Magnus see it when the others went to bed. It was a simple picture of a young man with slightly curly brown hair, a familiar smile, and a version of EDC's uniforms on. The caption on the back read, "Danny: 1998-2026.

X

X

X

The guests slept...and slept. Foul Play was certain she'd seen Lancer looking at her whenever she made a sound, but other than that there was no sign they ever intended to wake up until nearly 14 hours after they'd gone to sleep. The first thing Lancer did upon waking was swear creatively in several different languages-including Draxian. (Draxian curses were infamous for their hideous sound on top of their repulsive connotations, and they were the only part of Pagan's language Lancer had been dedicated enough to master. She liked to save them for special occasions. This qualified.) Her bag wasn't anywhere in sight, which meant she'd left it at the mercy of their hosts. Knowing what she would have done if the situation were reversed didn't comfort her in the slightest. Good grief! Even Talon's risque` idea of an anniversary gift was in there! Considering that they might even think she would ever wear anything that tacky set off an enraged set of snarling curses in a whole new language she'd just invented for that purpose.

She still felt a little out of it, but she had to find out the fate of her stuff. She wondered briefly how "long" a jump between dimensions counted as. The longer the jump, the more fatigue poisons built up in your system- it was part of what made long-distance jumping so dangerous. If the jump to this place was long enough to make two highly-trained, highly paranoid assassins neglect their gear, she figured much longer would have killed them outright. She slipped expertly out into the hallway once she realized it was clear. At least her limbs were now obeying her, mostly. Silently, she made her way down the stairs, trying to keep alert. She failed miserably. Dazed and anxious, she forgot to look or listen down the blind hallway towards the kitchen before she stepped into it. Gee..They had breathing walls in this dimension, who would have ever guessed?

"Going someplace?" As if Ultra Magnus needed to be huge, powerful, AND sarcastic.

"Yes...The kitchen." Two could play.

Upstairs Rodimus indulged his exhaustion by briefly hiding his head under his pillow. He could feel the confrontation brewing between Magnus and his mate, and it just wasn't what he wanted to deal with first thing in the morning.

Magnus glowered at Lancer. She debated smirking, but decided she was too crabby and opted to glower back. Rodimus crept cautiously down the stairs and sighed when he found the two of them glaring silently, trying to stare each other down. He could almost see the tension as they tried to out-stubborn each other. He decided to go after their bags, and walked right by them undisturbed. If Magnus was at all worried about stopping Rodimus it didn't show. He was too concerned about out-willing this insolent little woman who didn't even exhibit the sense to be intimidated.

Rodimus entered the kitchen and sighed. Their clothes were in a mangled heap. Their weapons were out all over the tables and counters. Rodimus was briefly glad they had decided not to apply the poison before they left. Worst of all, one Captain Marissa Fairborne sat at the table going through his photos. She grinned obnoxiously at him, and practically skipped up with the photo of Edana. He stared, frozen, while she held it up next to his face.

"How did you get into that compartm...Oh. Hot Rod," Rodimus sighed, answering his own question.

Marissa looked from his face to the photo as if making comparisons. "Gee...I wonder who the father of THIS one is," she simpered. He snatched the pictures out of her hands and glared at her. She wasn't impressed. Instead, she scampered to the table and held up the ridiculous little red-lace number Talon had gotten for Lancer. "Planning on making more little red-heads any time soon, Rodimus?" She didn't have to leer about it, or wave that thing around like that.

Rodimus flinched as a loud snarl echoed down the hall. Lancer had just lost the staring contest. She had picked up the image of Marissa holding that idiotic excuse for a piece of fabric in front of her body and lost all interest in Ultra Magnus. She ducked by him before he could move, and flew into the kitchen. Marissa found her hands empty before she even realized Lancer was in the room. Was it her imagination, or were Lancer's eyes glowing?

Once the offending garment was safely out of Marissa's hands, (and shredded into little itty bitty pieces) Lancer calmed down a little bit.

"Did you have to make such a mess?", she queried. Their things were all over the table and the counters.

"We needed to know who we were dealing with," Ultra Magnus said gruffly. He wasn't entirely satisfied with his victory in the hall. True, she'd broken eye contact first, but only because she'd been distracted by other priorities. It certainly wasn't the humbling he'd been hoping for.

"Yes, I understand that," she said impatiently, "What I asked was if you had to make such a mess out of it. Are you usually this disorganized when you search things? What if you'd decided you wanted to make it look like you hadn't gone through our stuff? Would you have been able to put it all back the way you found it?"

Magnus couldn't decide what was worse, her lecturing tone, or the fact she might have had a point. He scowled. She scowled back. Rodimus and Marissa looked at each other, and shared a brief moment of mutual understanding of the other's suffering.

"Did you show Hot Rod?" Rodimus asked, waving the photos.

"Yes, he was there," Marissa said.

"How did he take it?"

"He fainted a lot," Marissa tried to sound concerned, but her amusement wavered in her voice.

Rodimus sighed, "I suppose I would have handled it about the same at his age." He leafed through the pictures, and suffered a severe shock when he remembered one that should have been there. Daniel's photo was missing. He looked up, horrified, at Marissa, not even able to vocalize his terror. Lancer once again broke off glaring at Magnus, and went to her mate's side. Marissa wondered how Lancer knew. Rodimus hadn't said anything and had his back to his Lancer. The EDC captain pulled Rodi's last photo out of her pocket and handed it back to him gravely.

"Do...do the others know?" Rodimus asked, looking sadly down at Danny's smiling face. He couldn't remember his friend like this. Not really. Every time he thought about Daniel, the image of his smiling, but Converted face interfered. Then Rodimus would remember the feel of Danny's crushed flesh in his fingers. Rodimus hadn't thought, he'd just struck in reflexive horror, and put his hand through Daniel's' violated skull.....Carly had screamed, and screamed.....The sound of it was never far from his mind. His right hand twitched.

"No. We managed to hide this one before any of the others saw it," Marissa assured him. Her voice brought his mind sharply back to the bright, cheerful kitchen. The contrast made him heart-sick. Lancer rested her forehead on Rodi's arm in relief, and she sent him calming waves of support.

"Is this really Daniel Witwicky?" Magnus pressed.

"Yes," Rodimus said sadly, "it was."

Magnus and Marissa exchanged worried looks. "How did it happen?" Magnus wanted to know.

"I won't tell you that," Rodimus snapped. Magnus tried his best intimidating glower, it certainly never failed to send HIS Autobots running for cover. This guy just glared back at him unfazed. Damn! Something bright and brittle in those steady eyes told Magnus instinctively that he was treading on dangerous ground. He decided to wait, and see if he could find out more without pressing. If not, he could always try pressuring them later.

Lancer was getting irritated. "Do you really think anyone here is going to be better off knowing how that boy died in our universe? Do you think his parents will be glad to know? What purpose does it serve? It will only leave you second-guessing yourselves. Why do you think we tried to get out of here in the first place? There are some things you don't need to know!"

"We wouldn't tell his parents," Marissa said softly. Lancer narrowed her eyes.

"It won't do you any good to hear it either, so you might as well forget about it," Rodimus said with finality. His voice had a cold, authoritative edge to it, and for the first time Magnus could see the commander in him. It took him aback for a moment, and he studied Rodimus' face again. Magnus suddenly realized the visitor looked even older than he did.

"What about your kids?"

"I don't know, what about them? Edana just turned six, and Alexandra is a little over ten months old. They're healthy, they're trouble, and I miss them already. Is that what you wanted to know?" Rodimus said sharply. Lancer took his hand and squeezed it. He gave her a faint smile.

"What about all this stuff?" Magnus demanded, indicating the weapons.

"What about it?" Lancer asked a little sarcastically. "They're weapons." She frowned as she looked at the mess of them all over the kitchen. It seemed... disrespectful somehow. She grabbed Rodi's bag off the table and began putting things carefully away. Rodimus moved to help her.

Magnus pressed his lips together, trying not to lash out at Lancer as he would have one of his people if they had ever dared take that tone with him.

"I thought you were supposed to be going on a vacation," he said.

"Ye-ees," she drawled stupidly.

"This is what you take on vacation?" t was his turn to sound sarcastic.

Lancer scowled. "Only if we plan to live through it! I don't know about this dimension, but in ours you don't go unarmed, not on vacation, not at home, not ever."

Magnus looked from one to the other. "It's that bad," he stated flatly, and paused, staring at them. "I can't imagine even Decepticons being THAT out of control, or is it not the Decepticons?"

Lancer and Rodimus looked at each other, but anything they might have said was interrupted by the pounding of feet on the stairs. Arcee and Springer came trampling down the stairs for breakfast, followed shortly by Foul Play. Lancer and Rodimus winced at all the noise they made. Spike and Carly came down soon also. They looked tired, (Daniel had been fussy all night) but they knew better than to leave their charges unsupervised. Springer immediately started in on the visitors about everything from their tastes in clothes to the conception of their children. Arcee just curiously started going through their clothes again to see if she'd missed anything the previous night. Foul Play shoved things rudely to the side as she stomped around to get her cereal. She seemed annoyed it was in her way. However, it wasn't until Springer started fooling around with the weapons that Rodimus got pissed. He held out his hand for the needles Springer was holding and lost his temper when Springer decided to play keep-away. Springer waved his hands back in forth in front of Rodi's face, feinting with the needles. He didn't know what he was doing, and was lucky not to cut himself.

Rodimus snapped. He was too tired to play stupid games with someone who (in his mind) should have been obeying orders. His hand flashed out and deprived Springer of his toy before he even realized Rodimus moved.

"OK! THAT'S IT! DROP EVERYTHING! Rodimus roared. Foul Play spit Fruit Loops across the table. Arcee yipped once in surprise, and then blessed silence fell. Even Spike and Carly froze in their tracks. Magnus raised an eyebrow, and Marissa smirked in approval. Elsewhere in the house, Hot Rod looked up at the sound of the strange voice. He felt a minute of shock when he finally identified it, and was even more surprised at the dead quiet which followed. He was impressed. They were listening.

"You," Rodimus said, jabbing a finger at Springer, "SIT!" He pointed out a convenient chair. "You idiots made this mess. You are gonna help clean it up! Fold that heap neatly! THE CLOTHES!" Rodimus glared balefully at Springer. "Keep your hands off the weapons!"

"But how...?" Arcee began.

"Like this! " Rodimus demonstrated impatiently. "How long have you guys been human anyway? Months? You should know how to do this by now!"

"But.."

"MOVE!"

To their credit, they did their best, even if the resulting pile didn't look that much different for the one they'd started with. Rodimus didn't care. He felt he'd made his point, and it kept them out of the way while he and Lancer put the daggers safely out of reach.

"How come Magnus doesn't have to help?" Springer whined at one point.

"Rank has its privileges," Magnus said smugly.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, so does freelancing. Now get out of the way," Lancer said, reaching for some daggers on the counter behind him.

"Freelancing? You aren't part of the command structure?" Magnus asked, moving exactly far enough for her to reach her things, and not one centimeter more.

"Do I look like a robot to you?" she returned with an ironic smirk at his human face.

"No but..."

"Lancer's official designation if she had one would be ally, Ultra Magnus, and the one time I tried to give her an order I lost an arm. I haven't made that mistake again for some reason," Rodimus said with a wry smile.

"You're kidding!" Carly said in shock.

Rodimus smiled almost proudly, and shook his head. "Granted, I was in robot form at the time, but still!"

Lancer just smirked a little and said, "You deserved it." Silence reigned at the table while everybody looked at each other in stunned horror. Magnus looked at Lancer in newfound respect.

"You cut of his arm."

"Nope, I ripped off his arm," she said, asking Carly with her eyes if it was OK to help herself to some coffee. Carly wouldn't have dreamed of denying her anything at that moment.

"For giving you an order?" Magnus went on. He headed for his Wheaties.

"I don't take orders," Lancer said, sipping her coffee. "We were training anyway, he should have been paying attention, not trying to get snotty with me." Carly held out her cup to Spike for another cup of coffee. He poured hers, desperately downed the rest of his own, and poured himself another, which he downed just as fast.

"Speaking of snotty..," said Lancer. She looked at her mate who sat there trying to seem innocent. "Planning on having any breakfast?" she asked sweetly. He smiled daggers at her and went to pour himself a glass of orange juice. He stopped at half a glass, and got glared at. He rolled his eyes and poured a bit more. He sat down defiantly, daring her to make a scene in front of these strangers over a quarter glass of juice. She didn't, but filled his head with images of humiliating revenge.

"Is that all you're going to have?" Carly asked. "We have Frosted Flakes."

Rodimus paused in confusion, wondering why she felt the need to point that out. "Uh...no thanks. This is fine."

Springer got up and handed Lancer the last stack of her poorly folded clothes. She sighed, then shrugged and stuffed them into her bag for later re-folding. Noting the number of chairs, and Hot Rod's absence, she and Rodimus hopped up onto the counter to sit. Springer poured himself a large bowl of Corn Pops, and Foul Play finally returned her attention to her Fruit Loops. She took a bite and scowled. Then she got up and poured the entire bowl into the sink.

"What's wrong Foul Play?" Carly asked, concerned. They went through two gallons of milk a day. It couldn't possibly be spoiled, could it?

"It got soggy," the humanized Decepticon complained.

"You didn't have to throw it all out!" Marissa said.

"It's bad enough that I'M squishy! My cereal doesn't have to be too!" Foul Play growled, glaring around as if daring anyone to argue with her. No one did, although there was some suspicious coughing from Rodimus' direction. Arcee got up and took out her Cocco Puffs. By this point Lancer was starting to notice how crowded the table was looking, but nothing really clicked until Arcee got out the chocolate syrup. The slender blonde sat down, poured herself an obscenely big bowl of cereal, and proceeded to squirt the syrup liberally all over it. Rodimus used this as an excuse to choke on his juice, and for once Lancer was too distracted to hit him for it.

Marissa laughed at their identical expressions of consternation. Arcee, having suffered this reaction from the real humans when she first developed this habit, made a point of ignoring the twin stares from the counter. Just to establish her complete intention to continue this as long as she was able, Arcee put on an extra squirt of syrup. This time Lancer chuckled openly, and Rodimus laughed outright. A little of his juice "accidentally" spilled into the sink.

"Oh my, Rodi," Lancer said with her sweetest smile, "You spilled some of your breakfast! Here, I'll get you more!" She hopped down off the counter and returned with the bottle. "There you go!" she said, filling his glass to the rim.

"Thank you," Rodimus said, trying to sound sincere, while at the same moment he assaulted Lancer mind with wave after wave of irritation.

You should have known better than to try it! Lancer sent.

Next time it goes into your precious coffee instead of the sink! he returned.

We're still missing someone... Lancer sent worriedly.

I know. I don't blame him, but what are we going to do?

They were just about to say something when they noticed Magnus scowling at the last empty seat. He gave Marissa a disgusted look, and got up. He left the kitchen, and they heard him tromping up the stairs. There were some assorted noises from the top floor which had everyone looking up at the ceiling. A very short time later, Magnus' feet were heard on the stairs again, along with Hot Rod's muffled protests. Magnus stomped back into the kitchen carrying Hot Rod by the back of his shirt and the seat of his pants. When he got to the table, he simply dropped his nephew straight into his chair. Without a word, Marissa put a bowl of Frosted Flakes in front of him, and they stood over him, one on each side.

Continued in Part C.


	3. Chapter 3

Maelstrom Chapter 30  
Conversations in a Kitchen: Chapter 1 Part B

Author's note: This story is part of a LONG series called Maelstrom. It is strictly Gen. 1 - sorry, but that was all that was out when I started writing back in the late 1980's. It began as a fan-publication so the first chapters are in the form of a comic book! If you have not read the nine original **Maelstrom Comics** and the preceding text stories, I strongly suggest you do. This is a complex universe. They can be found at http// illmatar. deviantart. com (I have put double spaces between the URL here or FF . Net eats the link.) The comics and art which accompanies this series are there...and believe me I am a better artist than writer.

**Most chapters of this series contain strong language and violence. Rated M for adult themes! Really! Transformers characters belong to Hasbro. Critiques adored! This scene contains strong language, violence, and sex. Rated M for adult themes! **

**  
Transformers characters belong to Hasbro. Story and OC characters are mine. Critiques adored!  
**

Conversations in a Kitchen - Chapter 1  
Part C

Continued from Part B!

Hot Rod looked wildly from one to the other-seeking any avenue of escape and finding none. He pouted, then froze when he saw the visitors watching him intently from the counter. Rodimus finally understood Carly's offer of Frosted Flakes, and while he and Lancer were very amused by the diversity of tastes around the table, they also saw an opportunity to make things a little easier for Hot Rod. Their private battle over the orange juice suddenly became very public.

Rodimus took a sip and made a face (only slightly exaggerated.)

"DRINK," Lancer ordered, "and be glad I don't make you actually eat something!"

Rodimus threw her a disgusted glare which indicated anything but gratitude.

"You are the biggest baby!" Lancer said in open disgust. "Even Hot Rod knows how to eat! You should learn from his example."

Hot Rod straightened imperceptibly as his older twin glared at him.

"Thanks a lot kid! I'm going to hear about this for the rest of my life! How can you eat that stuff?" Rodimus said peevishly.

"Y..You don't like Frosted Flakes? " Arcee said in bewilderment. Hot Rod was a complete addict and they had a hard time picturing him missing a single opportunity to eat a box right down to the crumbs.

"Frosted Flakes? Arcee, he doesn't like anything! If it isn't energon, don't even ask! I can't remember a meal we didn't at least argue over. He sat next to the sink just so he could try to sneak some of it down the drain! He's worse than a two-year old!"

"You don't like anything?" Hot Rod asked. "Not even pizza?"

"Uuuggh! Kid, please tell me you don't eat that stuff! Please!"

"He loves it," Magnus stated when Hot Rod just gawked at his twin.

Lancer smirked at Rodimus, who crossed his arms and refused to look at her. In that moment he did look so much like a crabby two-year old that the entire table had a good laugh at his expense. Even Hot Rod brightened up a little.

"He really doesn't like to eat?" Spike said in amazement. "We can't keep enough food in the house for this bunch! I think I'd be happy if they enjoyed food a little less!"

"Don't complain," Lancer said. "You may be spending a lot on groceries, but at least they are willing to eat them! I spent the first few weeks of this one's human existence wrestling him to the ground and force feeding him. I literally had to shove things don't his stubborn throat!"

"You may have a point," Spike said in a hushed whisper. He was imagining trying to pin five hyperactive Transformers to the ground at every meal. He took a long look at Magnus and decided to count his blessings. All of a sudden the constant trips to the grocery store seemed like a pleasant hobby.

Hot Rod reached for the sugar and poured on even more than usual. He felt he deserved it for having to put up with all this stress. Lancer laughed, delighted, and the table had another good chuckle at Rodimus' sour expression.

"How did you ever manage, Lancer?" Carly wanted to know.

"Simple. By being even more stubborn than he was!"

"Not to mention meaner," Rodimus said.

"Bitch, bitch, bitch," Lancer said. "If Mighty Autobot wasn't such a wimp about eating, Mighty Autobot wouldn't need to worry about mean old Lancer, now would he?" She smacked his face lightly.

Rodimus grumbled, but he smiled, and finished off the rest of his glass obediently. "I did my trick! Do I get a prize?" he purred as he hopped down off the counter, and put his glass in the dishwasher. Then he stood in front of where Lancer was sitting.

She patted his head like a dog, and said, "Good boy." He pouted, and she laughed. Then she leaned down and kissed him. Before they came up for air even Magnus and Marissa had their eyebrows up. Foul Play seemed particularly distracted, and got up too quickly when she finished her cereal. The bowl crashed to the floor and shattered. The effect on Lancer and Rodimus was immediate and intense.

Rodimus whirled to face the sound in a single fluid, predatory motion. Lancer instantly drew her legs up onto the counter. She crouched there, balancing on her toes like a cat ready to spring. Her eyes flashed, and Magnus was sure he caught a faint hiss. He was also startled to see Rodi's eyes flare a vivid green, and the previous night's warnings of combat fatigue suddenly had clear meaning.

As quickly as they'd started, they relaxed. The whole episode lasted less than three seconds but it was enough for Marissa and Magnus . Both had seen enough to know they were dealing with two very skilled fighters in a rather dangerous state. Magnus in particular read a lot into their actions from his gladiator days. Their response had been smooth and instantaneous, if completely unwarranted. His feelings warred between lingering suspicion, admiration for their assumed skill, and sympathy for their paranoid state of mind.

"Are you two alright?" Marissa asked as Rodimus sagged back against Lancer. She had sat back down on the counter, and now let her legs dangle on either side of her mate's body, and wrapped her arms loosely around him. Rodimus smiled and looked a little embarrassed.

"I told you we're edgy. It's been a busy year," he said lightly. Lancer tightened her grasp and rested her chin on his shoulder.

"Are you going to elaborate on that statement?" Magnus asked impatiently. The weapons...the photos...even Lancer's response to a dropping bowl... She was ready for a fight right here in the kitchen. Obviously Rodimus was an Autobot warrior, but who would this human fight that way? Magnus' gladiator days scratched at his consciousness. Evaluating opponents was more natural to Magnus than breathing and nothing about these two spoke to him of Decepticon opponents in their tactics.

"Nope," said Rodimus. "Just be careful around us."

"I still don't trust you," Magnus growled.

Rodimus stepped out of his mate's grasp and walked up to Magnus. He had to look up to meet Magnus' eyes, but not much. "I have never implied that we were trust-worthy. I am telling you we are not to be trusted right now. You are risking the lives of your people and the Witwickies having us here and if you don't treat us accordingly we will leave. I may decide we will leave anyway."

"You won't if I say you won't," Magnus said, stepping closer to the red-haired moron.

Rodimus smirked.

"You won't!" Magnus vowed.

Rodimus grinned.

"Why you little...umpph!" Magnus' threat ended almost before it began. From somewhere, he knew not where, Rodimus diminutive mate had appeared by his side, grasped his arm and levered his seven feet of bulk to the ground before he could blink. For an ex-gladiator who measured his undefeated record by the fact he was still alive, to be taken down was almost as much of a surprise as being taken by surprise.

"We will," the woman growled, briefly pressing a needle to his throat and her face almost to his nose, "do exactly as we see fit." She got off his chest and stood over him. "You can trust the fact we mean you no harm by the fact you remain unharmed. You have neither the right nor the means to restrain us Ultra Magnus. I can tell by the way you move that you have training none of you companions have. Training your alternate doesn't have...but it is part of my training to evaluate my opponents. You are not a match for either of us. We are assassins, Magnus. Either of us could kill you bare-handed and before we knew what we were doing. We were forced on vacation because Rodimus nearly did kill one of his people and she has the same training we do. If she didn't, we'd be at a funeral, not here. Do not fuck with us."

Lancer glared into his eyes a moment longer and then backed off. Rodimus who had been making sure no one else in the kitchen tried anything reached down and offered Magnus a hand up.

Magnus stared at the hand a long moment before accepting.

"Don't feel bad, Mags," Rodimus said. "She does that to everybody."

"Where did she get that needle?" Magnus asked as Rodi pulled him to his feet. "You put all the weapons away...I watched you."

Lancer shook her head. "I could slip one out if I wanted to, but the fact is you amateurs searched our bags, but you didn't search US. I keep about ten in my hair."

"In your hair?!" Carly cried, appalled. She was the only one at the table with nerve to speak.

"I hope we've made our point...pun sincerely intended," Rodimus said. "And you can quit looming over me by the way. You forget...I'm a wee bit taller than you. I just won't shift in Carly's kitchen...I like her decor too much." He threw Carly a wink.

"Thank you," she whispered. She looked around. Having an Autobot growing in her kitchen would mess up the paint job...not to mention the architecture.

"What...What do you plan to do?" Marissa asked, intrigue battling with shock in her emotions. She was realizing suddenly that Lancer's moves and weaponry reminded her of Snake Eyes. Seeing Magnus thrown casually to the ground by a blonde chick was feeling really surreal to her.

Rodimus looked at her and shrugged. "We haven't had much time to think about it. We need to get home. I resisted the vacation idea because of what's going on, but the fact I nearly killed someone is a bit hard to ignore. My people are in enough danger without me helping out. We need to fix this teleporter if we can...and if it makes you feel more comfortable we will do it somewhere else."

"What if it can't be fixed?" Magnus growled.

"They will assume we are dead. Then our daughters will be raised by our friends and there will be another memorial," Lancer whispered. "Rodimus has worked very hard on becoming expendable."

"I bet that didn't take too long," Springer quipped.

Rodimus didn't move or respond, but he stared at Springer until the triple-changer muttered and looked away.

"Err...not to be rude," Spike said, "but since when does being an Autobot leader coincide with being an assassin?"

"Since me," Rodimus said.

"Why?" Spike asked.

Rodimus made a face.

"OK fine," Spike said, "Serves me for asking."

"Let me put it this way Spike. The enemies which can inspire such things as an assassin Prime are more than capable of creating a full-sensory illusion to study us or trick us into talking. You don't trust us...we don't even trust that you are real. We are not about to just start spilling secrets which might leave our people vulnerable," Rodimus stated. "On the off chance you actually exist, we warn you. It would suck to find out you're real after we hurt someone."

"Just...just how much danger are you putting my family in by staying here?" Spike demanded.

Rodimus froze and didn't answer. Lancer put her hand on his arm and responded, "Pretty damned high," she said.

"We will just have to be careful then," Carly said firmly.

"Hon, maybe we should let them find another place to stay," Spike said.

"Oh...so it's better to let clueless hotel employees hang around them? At least everyone here is a trained fighter," Carly pointed out.

"Daniel isn't," Rodimus murmured.

"I can look after my son," Carly promised him. She got up and found a clean glass. "You stay here. It is obvious to me anyway you could have tried something already if you meant to. Now sit down and have another glass of juice. One isn't enough for a man your size."

Rodimus, feeling cold and shocked, took the glass she had filled without protest. Lancer was sending him both waves of support to help him control his expressions and waves of annoyance that this was what it took to get him to have another glass.

No one else seemed ready to protest. Apparently although Magnus ran his Autobots, Carly was the final word in her house.

Lancer thanked Carly for her hospitality and they discussed changing rooms so the assassin pair could let Foul Play and Magnus have their privacy back. This went a long way towards alleviating Rodi's worries about killing someone in his sleep.

X

X

The rest of breakfast was somewhat subdued, and conversation was kept to a minimum. Lancer helped herself to a bowl of Magnus' Wheaties and complimented him on choosing something healthy. She hopped back up on the counter and tried not to let Rodi's turmoil distract her from evaluating the people around her. She might never be able to prove this wasn't an illusion, but if she was careful she might be able to prove that it was.

Hot Rod started scrunching down in his seat when Springer and Arcee got up from the table. By the time everyone was finished, he was almost under it. Magnus slammed his hand once on the table, startling his nephew bolt upright. Before Hot Rod could form a protest Magnus had scooped him up and tossed him casually over his shoulder.

"HEY! Lemme go! Hot Rod yelled -reflecting that he'd said that more in the last two days than any other time period in his life. Not that people didn't often grab at him...they just didn't often succeed in catching him.

"Magnus! Watch his head! HOT ROD DUCK!" Spike yelled.

"OW!"

"Never mind," Spike said in a resigned whisper.

Lancer and Rodimus looked at the mess on the table. "Don't they help?" Rodimus wanted to know.

"No. I'm too fond of my dishes to let them," Carly said tiredly. Rodimus immediately started clearing the table which made Carly obviously nervous, although she was too polite to say anything.

"It's OK, Carly. He's housebroken," Lancer said, amused, and hopping down off the counter to help them both.

"Yeah, I go on the paper and everything," Rodimus said, giving his mate a disgusted look. She reached up and patted his head again. Spike, Carly, and Marissa laughed.

"Good," Spike said. "Maybe you can teach the others. They're getting better, but there are still some things I don't know how to explain."

"I know the feeling," Lancer said, grimacing.

"I'll bet you do," said Spike, giving Rodimus a curious look. Rodimus opted to give him an identical look back, staring wide-eyed and blinking. Marissa grinned. "Did you enjoy your time in diapers, Rodimus?" Spike prodded, by way of revenge.

This time Rodimus blinked in earnest surprise. "Diapers?"

"If you tell me he came potty trained I'm really going to have a fit!" Carly exclaimed. "I don't mind taking care of the baby, but five adults is a bit much to handle!"

Lancer and Rodimus gaped at her and fought a losing battle not to laugh in the face of her genuine, understandable vexation. Carli's sour look told them they could have done a better job. Their muffled sniggers got out of control as she glared at them.

"You didn't need diapers." Marissa stated.

"Er...." Rodimus said.

Lancer decided he needed more suffering for the orange juice thing. "He didn't need diapers, but I did have problems in that regard. He wouldn't go! I practically had to jump up and down on him at times!"

Rodimus gave Lancer his patented "look of death" while their hosts laughed at him. She smirked.

"Didn't that hurt?" Marissa wanted to know.

Nice going Lancer. How are we going to explain this one? Rodimus sent irritably at his mate.

That's YOUR problem.

Nice. Aloud he said, "Yeah, well. So did everything else, so I didn't know what to do about it." They laughed at him again.

Spike smirked at him and said, "I still think we had it worse. At least you didn't have to clean up after him pissing on the carpet!"

"Pissing on the carpet?" Rodimus and Lancer said in unison.

"Oh yes! We have their first few days on video. They had absolutely no muscle control. They had to relearn to walk and everything. Would you like to see? " Carly almost proudly.

Rodimus grinned evilly, and rubbed his hands together. "I'd have to say yes to that!" he grinned.

They all filed into the living room.

An hour or so later, Magnus came in for a drink. They'd been playing football and he was hot. He stepped into the living room, intent on heading for the kitchen. The entire room fell silent for just an instant and then they all started laughing hysterically at him. He paused, stunned until he saw what was on the TV screen. Then he understood only too well, and quickly beat a strategic retreat. The sight of him getting a drink from a garden hose outside did nothing to help those indoors regain control.

"AH HAH!" Rodimus laughed, "Now THERE'S something you don't see every day! Ultra Magnus in full retreat!"

Outside Hot Rod and Springer quit running around long enough to stare at their commander in confusion.

"I thought you were going inside for a drink. Why are you using the hose?"

"They are watching 'The Tape". I don't know about you, but I don't feel the need to stand there while they laugh. It's embarrassing enough."

"Spike is showing those two "The Tape'?" Hot Rod said, mortified.

"All of it?" asked Springer, too upset for sarcasm.

"When I walked in, they were reviewing our first days learning to walk. Trust me, and get your drinks from the hose." Magnus said grimly. They nodded in solemn agreement.

X

X

X

Inside the house, things finally calmed down after the second run through the tape.

"What I would pay," Rodimus said, "to have our friends see themselves in diapers! Arcee and Springer can hardly stand to stick around when we have to change Alex! I can't imagine how they would handle this!" He and Lancer both grinned evilly at the thought of it, but the mention of their child reminded Marissa of something which had been worrying her.

"Rodimus, those children are actually yours, aren't they?"

"Unless Lancer isn't telling me something," he grinned. Lancer hit him. "Ouch! Does that mean they aren't mine?" Lancer hit him again. The others chuckled.

"But you're a robot! How is that possible? How can a synthetic body produce a child?" Marissa asked. She was focused on her own very real concerns, but not so much that she missed how his smile faltered a little. He recovered quickly though.

"I'm not synthetic, Marissa. I think you've mentioned an accident before, am I right? These guys were turned human in some kind of mishap?"

"Yes. There was an accident involving the demonstration of some new medical equipment and a rather ill-timed Decepticon attack. That's how Foul Play ended up with us," Spike said.

"Well, my transformation wasn't accidental. I was deliberately made to be fertile," Rodimus said. He deliberately made a show of clutching Lancer to his body and kissing her. The tactic worked to a degree. Spike and Carly assumed his organic form had been created for Lancer's benefit, and Marissa's worries about getting pregnant were laid to rest. She wondered a little though. If Rodimus had become a human intentionally, why did talking about it seem to bother him?

Lancer leaned back against her mate and sighed. "We'd better have a look at that teleporter if we want to see the results of your fertility any time soon," she said.

"Do you know how to fix it?" Spike asked.

Lancer and Rodimus looked at each other, and then at him. "Not a clue," Lancer said, "we'll just have to keep our fingers crossed."

X

X

X

By the time Magnus and the others decided it might be safe to come inside, the visitors had their singed device in neatly arranged pieces on the table. They were using a set of very fine watch-making tools Spike produced from his garage for them.

"One problem with being a mechanic's kid is you develop an addiction for tools," Spike informed them. "These are brand new. Now that I have enough means to buy all the tools I want, I can't find time to actually DO anything with them. But I buy them anyway."

"I understand. Thanks Spike," Rodimus said.

"Nah. Thank you. Now Carly can quit bugging me that I'll never need them and next time I want something she won't give me such a hard time," Spike grinned.

Lancer and Rodi laughed and got to work.

Rodimus was gently prying the delicate mechanism apart, and Lancer was carefully making drawings and notes about where each piece belonged. The work took their entire concentration, especially given how exhausted they still were, and they didn't notice Springer, Magnus, and Hot Rod filing past the kitchen. Noticing the project they stopped in the hallway to watch from the door.

"Making sure you can put everything back the way you found it?" Magnus asked ironically. It wasn't his intention to startle them.

"AAHHgrrrrrrrrrrr," Lancer's yelp ended in a low, but unmistakable growl. Rodimus just whirled on them with the screwdriver he was holding clutched like a weapon.

"Do you guys have a death wish?" Lancer asked. Her voice sounded a little weird, and there was no mistaking her ire. Rodimus glared.

"Tou-cheee!" drawled Springer. Hot Rod noticed the expression on his twin's face and felt chilled. "No wonder though," Springer continued, laughing, "can't expect Rodimus to figure that thing out when Hot Rod can't even tie his shoes!"

Lancer got one look at Hot Rod's stricken face and felt the horns start up. She managed to control the physical response but not the emotional one. Her mate didn't see the point, which made her even angrier.

Hey, chill out, he sent as Magnus came forward to look curiously at the dismembered device.

CHILL OUT? Rodimus, that was cruel! Lancer returned, as Hot Rod and Springer walked off. Springer was still laughing and teasing the younger Autobot.

Rodimus sent back the equivalent of a mental shrug.

You're as bad as they are! If someone talked that way to Edana, or anyone under your command, you'd put a stop to it, but because that boy is a version of you, you don't think it matters! Lancer argued.

He'll manage, Rodimus sent, willing her to drop the issue. She got angry with him instead, and painfully slammed her shields up in his mental "face".

Magnus was looking at him expectantly. "Well?"

"Well what?" Rodimus asked, and then realized the city commander must have asked him something. "Sorry. I was a little...preoccupied." He gave Lancer a dirty look, but she refused to meet his eyes. He could practically see her emotions steaming. He sighed while Magnus impatiently repeated himself.

"Do you think you can fix it?" Magnus asked again.

"Trying to get rid of us already?" Rodimus quipped with a tired smile. "I honestly don't know. We know how these things work in theory, but neither of us have ever had to repair one ourselves. We can fix the obvious damage, but chances are very good that we will die when we use it, and that's if we fix it perfectly!"

Magnus merely stared at him, trying to work out whether or not he was joking. "Is there any way we can help?"

"No. I don't think so, but I'll ask if I think of something. Thanks."

Magnus grunted in response, and left them to it. Rodi tried to make up with Lancer but she just went on with her work as though he hadn't. He sighed, and began painstakingly removing and labeling the circuits, while Lancer diagramed them, and used her powers to check for faults in the wiring. They were at it for hours. During that time, various members of the household came and raided the frig so often, that the guests were forced to notice them.

Around dinner time Carly took a long look at her cluttered kitchen table, and decided not to bother them. It was amazing how much room so many tiny pieces could take up when spread out from a device the size of a wallet. She picked up the phone and started dialing, and was immediately surrounded by delighted Transformers. They didn't know how to walk gracefully, but they definitely had a sixth sense for pizza. Even Hot Rod, who had been pouting miserably most of the afternoon perked up immediately. She took pity on him and ordered extra pepperoni.

When the delivery came, it took two people to carry it up to the door. Spike took out the mound of cash he needed to pay them, and then made a careful note of the expense. He realized as he did that he would be needing another new ledger soon and decided to note that expense as well.

Carly passed around paper plates and then got out of the way. Her charges reduced the tall stack of pizza by half on their first servings. She called for Lancer and Rodimus to come get their share quickly. Spike had ordered extra for their new guests, but knew better than to think Magnus and Hot Rod would be respectful of the visitor's portions. Springer was usually worse about such things than Hot Rod, but not where pizza was concerned. They sat around the den, watching television, teasing each other, and stuffing their faces. Lancer stalked out of the kitchen and took two plates. She put a sizable stack of slices on one, and one smallish piece on the other. Then she stalked back to the kitchen without a word.

Carly walked curiously to the kitchen door, and giggled a little at what she saw. Marissa looked up at her, and Carly waved her friend over to join her. They saw Lancer standing over Rodimus with her hands on her hips. He looked down at his plate with vague disdain, but didn't put up an argument. (He knew he was in enough trouble already.) He neatly picked off every atom of pepperoni and cheese, and put it on top of Lancer's first piece. By the time he had finished inspecting the slice for any possible contamination of animal matter, Spike and Hot Rod had crowded in to watch also. Magnus just stared over their heads. Arcee and Springer were busy seducing each other on the couch, and Foul Play was shouting insults at some game show contestants.

Lancer got away from the teleporter with her greasy food, and hopped up on the counter to eat it. Rodimus was still wrapped up in the diagrams, and he took a cautious bite without looking up. Lancer had just noticed the crowd in the doorway, but she was still too angry with him to warn him. He chewed his food with his usual disgusted expression and the whole room was suddenly filled with laughter... Lancer's included.

By the time they were done picking on him about it, Lancer figured he had suffered enough to talk to again, and the remaining hours of the evening went by a little less painfully for him. It was only 11:00 PM. when they finally called it quits for the night, but it felt much later to them both. They put it all back together before going out into the living room. Hot Rod and Foul Play were playing video games, Springer had long since followed Arcee upstairs, and Spike was talking to Magnus and Marissa at the dining room table. From the way the three of them stopped when Lancer and Rodimus approached, the two newcomers correctly guessed they were the topic of conversation.

"Don't stop on our account," Rodimus said with a wry smile.

"Any luck?" Spike asked.

Magnus yelped for no apparent reason.

Marissa smiled.

"I don't know,"Rodimus said while Lancer looked curiously at Ultra Magnus. "We'll see if it turns us inside out when we try to get home. Then we'll know."

Magnus looked at them gravely. "Those things are that dangerous?" he asked seriously. Marissa frowned in concentration, and then smiled when he yelped again. "Marissa!" he protested, but somehow it sounded half-hearted to Lancer and Rodi.

"They used to be very dangerous," Lancer said. "They've improved a lot over the years, but then again, most of them are in working order before anyone uses them, and I can't say I've ever heard of one of them crossing dimensional barriers before."

"It sounds like you'd be crazy to try it," Spike said.

"We have to get home," Rodi stated, "we have to."

"You will," Carly said, coming down the stairs. She was nursing Daniel. It was their first glimpse of the baby, and Magnus and Marissa noted how quickly the guests covered up their shock. On the one hand, Marissa was glad because she didn't want Carly to catch on. On the other hand, it was too much like Magnus' repression for her comfort.....which reminded her. She stretched her foot out under the table again. Magnus squirmed openly this time, and Marissa smiled sweetly at him. Spike let out a long suffering sigh. Magnus blushed.

Lancer leaned over to see what the problem was in innocent confusion. She smirked in Magnus' face when she caught a glimpse of Marissa's toes in his crotch, and the inevitable result of such toying. Rodimus couldn't see directly, but the image went straight from Lancer's mind to his. He snickered too, and then realized to his horror that Carly now had the baby right next to him.

He stared at that tiny, familiar face, and fought back tears. Fortunately Carly misinterpreted his grief-stricken expression.

"You'll see your babies again, Rodimus," Carly said compassionately.

"I know," he whispered, "Thanks Carly."

Lancer decided to get out quickly. "Come on Rodimus, let's go up to bed."

Magnus yelped again, and leered at them, although his eyes held understanding for their retreat. Rodimus was grateful for the opening.

"Well," he quipped, "this was supposed to be a second honeymoon after all! Half the time at home, when we're together, we 're so tired we just sleep."

"Oh, that's pathetic," Marissa purred. Magnus gasped and clutched the edge of the table. The quelling glare he tried to aim at Marissa was too glazed and preoccupied to be convincing. Rodimus laughed (taking care not to look Carly's direction) and took Lancer's hand. Once upstairs however, all they accomplished that night WAS sleep.

Continued in Part D.


	4. Chapter 4

Maelstrom Chapter 30  
Conversations in a Kitchen: Chapter 1 Part D

Author's note: This story is part of a LONG series called Maelstrom. It is strictly Gen. 1 - sorry, but that was all that was out when I started writing back in the late 1980's. It began as a fan-publication so the first chapters are in the form of a comic book! If you have not read the nine original **Maelstrom Comics** and the preceding text stories, I strongly suggest you do. This is a complex universe. They can be found at http// illmatar. deviantart. com (I have put double spaces between the URL here or FF . Net eats the link.) The comics and art which accompanies this series are there...and believe me I am a better artist than writer.

**Most chapters of this series contain strong language and violence. Rated M for adult themes! Really! Transformers characters belong to Hasbro. Critiques adored! This scene contains strong language, violence, and sex. Rated M for adult themes! **

**  
Transformers characters belong to Hasbro. Story and OC characters are mine. Critiques adored!  
**

Conversations in a Kitchen - Chapter 1  
Part D

Continued from Part C!

The next morning they were the first ones up, and had the teleporter out and disassembled the rest of the way before the first footsteps were heard coming down the stairs. Rodimus was just starting to reassemble the pieces on the kitchen counter, as Lancer was making the last of her notes at the table. Rodimus had an untouched glass of orange juice next to him, and Lancer had just poured herself a cup of coffee. She hoped she had made enough of it for the waking household.

The footsteps turned out to be Magnus and Marissa who didn't seem surprised to see the guests at it early. Marissa smiled appreciatively at Lancer and took a cup of coffee for herself. She smiled good-morning at Rodimus too, and he flashed that silly grin in answer. Magnus walked up to Rodimus and punched his arm by way of greeting. Rodimus saw the blow coming but didn't bother to dodge. He watched the big hand hit his arm, looked unblinkingly up at Magnus, and hit him back with equal force.

Magnus was a little stunned. He was absolutely unfamiliar with this response. The others always tried to avoid him. Certainly none of them had the gall to simply hit him back. Feeling a bit at sea, Magnus didn't say anything to Rodimus who continued to look at him with a faintly amused expression. Instead the City Commander took a swing at Lancer who was staring, oblivious, into her coffee. His hand encountered air. Rodimus made a suspicious sound in his throat, but said nothing, not even when he noticed Marissa struggling not to spit coffee out of her mouth from laughter. Magnus couldn't see how he possibly missed, but planned on watching more carefully as he got ready for another swipe at Lancer. She was still looking into her coffee. Nevertheless, as his hand drew back, she spoke in a gravelly whisper.

"Any part of your body which touches any part of mine, you aren't getting back," she growled. When she was finished speaking, she finally turned her eyes up to his. Those cold, blue depths made Magnus pause, reconsider his greeting, and sit down. Marissa made choking sounds, swallowed convulsively, and started laughing and coughing all at once. As usual, glaring death at her only made her laugh harder.

"How's it going?" Marissa asked when she could breath, indicating the teleporter.

Rodimus shrugged, "Don't worry about it. We have figured out what needs to be repaired. Once that's finished, we'll try to get home. Either we'll make it, or we'll bite it, but either way, we're out of your hair." He sounded entirely too cheerful about it. Lancer muttered something unintelligible into her mug, and Rodimus grinned and imitated her. She glared at him, and he laughed. "Drink your coffee, lady assassin. We're going to be at this a while." She grumbled under her breath again. Magnus thought he might have caught the words "Optimus", "vacation", and "tailpipe", but he wasn't sure.

Hungry, Magnus brushed past Marissa on his way towards the cereal. She couldn't resist pinching his rear end as he went by. Rodimus grinned wickedly when Magnus yelped, and even Lancer looked up and smiled a little.

"You two don't seem too surprised by us," Marissa said with a wink.

Rodimus grinned at her, "No, well, that would be hypocritical now wouldn't it? Besides, you should have looked at the inscription on that photo album."

"Inscription? What inscription?" Magnus asked suspiciously.

Lancer looked up, disgusted, at her mate, "Don't even ask me to go get it, you were the one who brought the damned thing up."

"I'm going! I'm going!" Rodimus said. He flashed silently out of the room, and returned moments later with the album. He opened the first page and handed it to Marissa with a flourish. She took it with some trepidation, not at all comfortable with the smug look on Rodimus' face.

The inscription read, "To Rodimus and Lancer, May you get everything you deserve. Vengefully Yours, Marissa and Magnus!" Marissa gawked at Rodi, read it again, and gawked some more. Magnus just stared down at the sentences as if mesmerized. Rodimus gloated as if it was all his doing.

Lancer looked at him and shook her head. "You're a trouble-maker."

"You mean, they're...we're...they're together in your dimension too?!" Marissa said incredulously.

"Apparently, it was destiny." Rodimus intoned in his most resonating voice. Lancer rolled her eyes. The whole thing might have worked better if Rodimus had managed to keep a straight face. They stared at him, then each other. Then Magnus shrugged, and Marissa started laughing.

"THEY put this together?" Marissa asked.

"Yeah. They did a slide show of it too. Magnus called it his 'getting even gift'." Lancer said, with a wry smile.

"You see, Magnus? Somewhere you have a sense of humor anyway!" Marissa said, grinning at him. He just snorted, gave Rodimus an accusatory glare, and poured himself an insanely big bowl of cereal.

"Well...I think Marissa did most of it.." Rodimus said impishly.

"Oh SHH! We're trying to encourage him!" Marissa complained, hitting Rodi's arm.

"How come you didn't hit her back?" Magnus asked around a mouthful of Wheaties.

"I dunno. I guess I'm partial to red-heads," Rodimus said.

"I'm getting out of here before the BS gets any deeper," Lancer said. She got up to refill her coffee.

Marissa was giving Magnus an odd look. He turned towards her. "What?"

She hit him.

"HEY! What was that for?" Magnus complained.

"For encouraging Rodimus to hit me you big oaf!"

"I can't win." Magnus groaned.

"Goes without saying, big guy," Rodimus said. "They've got us outmatched." He obediently finished off his juice and waved the empty glass by way of demonstration.

"You're just trying to make up for last night," Lancer said, heading for the door with her coffee. She planned to drink it upstairs while she refolded all of her clothes.

"What happened last night?" Magnus said with an arched eyebrow.

Rodimus sighed. "Nothing. That's the problem. We fell asleep again."

"You guys really are pathetic," Marissa said.

Lancer paused in the doorway. "You have no idea," she growled. She turned to head through the doorway and then froze. There was a sound like a cattle stampede coming down the stairs. She ducked back in the door and flattened herself against the wall as Hot Rod floundered through at top speed. Springer's hand proceeded him into the kitchen as he went after the back of Hot Rod's shirt. Lancer's eyes widened, then narrowed as the flailing limb nearly cost her the coffee. Hot Rod ran around the kitchen table, trying to escape.

"Come here you little peeping bastard!" Springer growled, coming after him.

Hot Rod yelped and changed directions. "Hey! It's not my fault you left the door open! I was just asking if you were coming down for breakfast!"

They circled the table again. Lancer pressed herself as close to the wall as possible and felt herself safe. There was plenty of room between her and the table. She didn't count on the general clumsiness of these newly human Autobots, nor her own still sluggish reflexes. Hot Rod flew past her again, and as Springer rounded the table she realized he wasn't going to quite make the turn. Lancer ducked Springer's pin-wheeling arms as he tried to keep his balance with no trouble. The problem was she forgot about her coffee.

Rodimus, who had been laughing with Magnus and Marissa at this ridiculous spectacle suddenly snapped his mouth closed. The look on his face drew Marissa's attention to what he was staring at, wide-eyed. Lancer stood in the doorway, empty cup in hand, with a look on her face that boded ill for Springer's future. Hot coffee dripped off her clothes onto the floor.

"Uh-oh," said Rodimus.

Springer had managed to grab Hot Rod and was lifting him off the floor when he felt a tap on his arm. Lancer was staring into his face with a look that made even Magnus blanch a little.

"Put him down," Lancer said, in her nails-on-the-chalkboard voice. Springer didn't know why, but something told him he only had one chance to comply. He did. Lancer put her coffee cup in his hand. "Pour," she said. A little nervously, Springer did that too, wondering why the entire time. Maybe it was just the way her eyes seemed to be seeking out his vital organs. She followed his every motion without blinking like some blonde predatory insect.

"Get me a towel," she said when he presented her with her refill. He got one for her, and tried not to notice Magnus' ironic stare, or the way Rodimus gazed fondly at Lancer as if he found her cold attitude a turn on.

The next task accomplished, Lancer gave her final "request". ""Now clean up Carly's floor." Having had lots of practice with this, Springer felt fairly comfortable wiping up the spill. Lancer glared at him the entire time, so he did a better job than usual. When he was finished, she turned without a word, and left the kitchen.

"Err...." said Springer, getting up awkwardly from his hands and knees.

"A word of advice, Springer..?" Rodimus said cheerfully. "It's a not a good idea to irritate Lancer at any time, but it's just shy of suicidal to get between her and her coffee."

"Err..." said Springer.

"At least I've got you well trained at following orders," Magnus said.

"Exactly how long HAS it been since you two did MORE than sleep?" Marissa wanted to know.

"About a month and a half," Rodimus said, looking disgusted.

"Ah.." Marissa said wisely.

Rodimus snorted. "Yeah, well. It hasn't helped, but the truth is she's always like that before she's had her coffee. However...I'll see you guys in a few hours, OK?" He grinned at them, put his glass in the dishwasher, and vanished upstairs.

Marissa chuckled a little. Magnus snorted and shook his head. Springer sat dumbfounded at the table, too stunned to even go after his breakfast right away, and Hot Rod was just glad for the reprieve. It didn't last long.

Arcee came in and said, "WHAT? HE'S STILL ALIVE?"

Spike and Carly stood unmoving at the top of the stairs. Listening to the commotion from the kitchen made them reluctant to go down.

"Three...two...one..." whispered Spike. There was an enormous crash, and the predicted bellow from Magnus.

"HOT ROOOD! SPRINGER! YOU'RE BOTH DEAD!" There was the sound of a chair scraping on Carly's tile, and furiously running feet. The back door slammed: once, twice, three times.

"At least they got out of the house early this morning," Carly said, then she clutched the bannister as Foul Play nearly ran them both down the stairs.

"Optimus owes me." Spike muttered. The phrase had become his litany for self-control. "Optimus owes me so bad."

X

X

X

A few hours later, Lancer and Rodimus came downstairs to find (relative) calm had descended. Spike, Carly, and Marissa were enjoying a few minutes of near-peace on the patio while the boys played foot-ball, and Foul Play and Arcee were goofing around in the pool. Rodimus nearly balked when he saw Daniel in a play-pen next to his parents. Marissa noticed, and her face fell with worried compassion. Rodimus noticed this and sighed. He didn't want her to worry. Lancer took his hand.

Come on. It's just a baby. I think between the two of us, we can handle it. she sent.

It's not just a baby. It's Danny... Rodimus responded. The more he thought about it, the more panicked he got.

No. It's just a baby that looks like Danny and has the same name. Just one of those astounding coincidences. That's all.

Yeah. Right. Rodimus returned, and plastered Hot Rod's smile on his face. Marissa looked at him suspiciously.

"Morning!" he said stupidly.

"Again.." Marissa said with a knowing smile. "Feeling better, Lancer?"

Lancer debated growling or smirking and opted for smirking. "Much, thanks!"

"If there is an explanation for this conversation, I don't want to hear it ," said Spike. He looked at the three of them leering. "Oh, never mind. I can guess."

There was an awkward pause and Lancer got tired of feeling Rodi's stomach churn nervously over an infant, and decided it was time to confront the issue.

"Can I pick him up?" she asked Carly, while Rodimus sent incredulous waves of terror at her.

"Sure," Carly said with a proud smile. Marissa studied Lancer with interested respect.

Lancer lifted the sturdy baby out of his "baby jail" as Rodimus liked to call them, and studied him. Danny stared back at her with solemn attention. Then he turned the same attention to her braid, which hung tantalizingly close. She smiled, familiar with this response in her own children, and handed it to him. He promptly put it in his mouth. She tickled him with the end of it, and made faces at him. Rodimus was still stunned into emotional paralysis, and Lancer knew she had to break him of it.

"Here," she said suddenly, "You hold him." She handed the infant swiftly to her mate. His mind was in shock, but his body responded automatically and took the infant with practiced ease. Daniel sat there, content to be held, while Rodimus struggled to keep his inner turmoil off his face. Carly and Spike were watching with some trepidation. They were used to Autobots dropping things. In a few seconds though, something clicked inside of Rodimus and he felt himself relax.

He couldn't look at this baby as "just a baby" but suddenly he felt a powerful affection for the child alter his grief. The little boy suddenly became a second chance for a life Rodimus mourned daily, and he resolved to spend as much time as possible with him while they were here. Danny gripped his fingers, and Rodimus considered it a done deal. He smiled and tickled Daniel, and spent about ten minutes being totally engrossed before he remembered he had an audience.

Lancer met his eyes proudly and sent him things that made him want to go back upstairs. Marissa was smiling as if she found him entirely amusing. Spike and Carly just looked relieved he hadn't dropped their son.

"Hey!" Springer grossed. He had been heading for the kitchen in search of something to eat. "How come he gets to touch the kid?" Springer was still off-balance from the morning's trials, and was trying to recover his composure.

"He's got two of his own!" Marissa said. "He knows what he's doing!"

"Oh yeah? Well I delivered him! I don't see why I shouldn't get to hold him once in a while," Springer complained.

"Learn how to walk first," Lancer said sourly, glaring at Springer and daring him to contradict her. Springer suddenly found himself cringing inwardly again - something he'd vowed not to do the next time he encountered Lancer.

Rodimus took a little pity on him, and changed the subject. "What do you mean, 'you delivered him'?"

Carly smiled. "Danny was in kind of a hurry, and forgot to turn around first. The delivery went too fast for me to make it to the hospital, and Springer had to help me. Which he did, and here we are, safe and healthy." She smiled at Springer, who actually blushed a little.

"Well, that's different anyway," Rodimus noted. "As I recall, in our dimension, Daniel arrived on schedule with a full surround of doctors and lots of drugs for Carly."

"I wish!" Carly exclaimed.

"Did you help deliver your own kids?" Springer asked Rodimus, a little smugly.

Rodimus thought back on the grueling hours of labor pains Lancer had projected on him while he held her hand. "Let's just say I was there," he said.

Lancer chuckled. "You certainly were," she said.

"And I'll be there for the next one, too," Rodimus said optimistically.

"If you don't cool off, I'm gonna see to it right now that you can't HAVE a next one," Lancer growled, but she smiled seductively as she did. Rodimus leaned over and kissed her. Springer winced.

"I'm sorry. Picturing that kid with kids is overloading my circuits!" he said.

Lancer scowled. "Maybe you need an upgrade then," she said, ignoring Rodimus' attempts to pacify her.

"OK! I walked right into that one," Springer said with a wry smile.

Rodimus shook his head, and then gave Daniel a critical look. Carly watched, flabbergasted, when Rodi reached into the bag by the table and pulled out a diaper. She moved to help him, but sank (a little numbly) back into her chair when he shook his head at her and winked..

"Time me," he said to Lancer. She smiled. Springer crossed his arms and looked skeptical while Rodimus arranged what he needed. Lancer stared at her watch.

"Go," she said.

Danny was smoothly stripped, cleaned, powdered, and re-diapered before he could make up his mind to fuss.

"68 seconds," Lancer said, high-fiving her mate with a smirk.

The table erupted in spontaneous applause. Arcee and Foul Play were watching from the side of the pool. Hot Rod and Magnus stared on from a distance. The thing that struck them all the most was the grace with which Rodimus handled everything. Magnus had noticed from the start that their guests were less clumsy than he and his friends, but now it was apparent to all of them.

"How did you do that?" Springer asked.

"It's easy. I can show you if you really want to know," Rodimus said, looking a little dubious as to why Springer would ask.

"No. I mean, how did you do that without dropping him?"

Rodimus flinched at the thought of dropping a baby. He and Lancer were also starting to see what a hard time this group was having with their coordination. They had seen the evidence of it, but preoccupation with other things had distracted them. This group was having even more trouble than the Autobots back home who had tried it, although at least no one here seemed ready to crack from sensory overload.

Lancer did a covert scan of Springer's nervous system. Everything seemed fine for a normal human, but maybe that was the problem. Autobots who used the Jabez transformation techniques had nervous systems that more closely matched their Autobot selves than a naturally born human being. Springer and the others were undergoing a sort of childhood while they learned to use these bodies. Lancer sighed inwardly. This meant she had to be patient with them.

"Practice makes perfect, I guess," Rodimus said. "You've got to be fast around Alex. She's wiggly and hyper. I can't imagine where she gets it from."

"I'll bet you take good care of your girls, Rodimus," Carly said.

"He spoils them rotten," Lancer said with a fond smile.

"You keep them in line," Rodi purred.

Springer threw his hands up in disgust and decided the only thing to ease his annoyance was a full meal instead of the snack he'd intended. (Of course, what passed as a snack for him was a full meal to most people.) Magnus saw him head for the kitchen and narrowed his eyes suspiciously. He decided to follow Springer in to remind him of the importance of saving some for his superiors. Between the two of them, they would clean out the frig.

Spike sighed, and got up from the patio table. "I'm going to the grocery store. I'll be back as soon as the clerks quit asking me how I can possibly be out of food again." Carly patted his hand in thanks, and he smiled at her, but went off muttering about Optimus under his breath.

Hot Rod snuck inside the house, trying to make sure no one saw him. Marissa did though, and was a little worried. He had been acting a little better, but she could see he was uncomfortable around the guests. She was about to get up when she noticed something else. Lancer hadn't missed Hot Rod either, and she turned to touch Rodi's arm. Meeting his eyes, she nodded slightly at the house. Rodimus glanced in its direction and seemed to shrug faintly. Lancer's eyes narrowed briefly. Rodimus dropped his eyes a moment, and then nodded.

"Excuse me," he said politely, and got up from the table.

"What an odd exchange," Marissa thought. "I could swear they just had an entire conversation." She spent a few moments thinking about other such exchanges she had witnessed and resolved to keep her eyes out for it.

Rodimus found Hot Rod parked on the floor in front of the TV playing video games. Hot Rod pretended not to notice him, but Rodimus saw the score dropping rather quickly. He hated this, but Lancer was right. Hot Rod 's problem wasn't with her, it was with Rodimus, and Rodimus was going to have to find a solution. Yeah right. A new name and a new face might be good for a start.

"Hi," he said. It seemed good enough for an opener.

Hot Rod didn't want to look at him apparently, but Rodimus did catch a faint, "Hi," in response.

"What are you doing in here?" Rodimus asked.

Hot Rod did turn around to give him a strange look. "I'm playing video games," he said, hoping he never turned out to be such a dope when he got older.

Rodimus sighed, wondering briefly how anyone had ever gotten along with him when he couldn't even get along with "himself". "I can see that. What I meant was, why are you hiding in here when you could be outside with everyone else?" He sat down next to Hot Rod on the floor.

"I figured one of me out there at a time was enough," Hot Rod said, looking down. On the screen he lost the last two of his remaining lives while he sat there dejectedly.

"I'm not you," Rodimus said quietly.

"Yeah, right."

Except for maybe that speech pattern, Rodimus thought to himself, suddenly finding this situation a little more amusing.

"OK. Look. We ARE a lot alike. So? If anything that should make it easier, but I'm still not you. I never was. I never spent time as a human when I was Hot Rod. I never had parents - I can't even imagine what that was like. I never even learned to play this stupid video game!"

Hot Rod snorted,"So?"

"So, we're different people. Our memories shape our reactions to things."

Hot Rod gave him a blank look, "Like how?"

"Well, for one thing, you took the whole Rodimus PRIME thing much better than I expected."

His twin just looked at him in confusion. "How was I supposed to react? I know I might end up an officer someday," he said. "Although I should probably figure out how to tie my shoes first," he finished in a whisper. Rodimus noticed how dejected he seemed and felt a little sorry for him. Lancer, listening in, got angry, but she didn't intrude. Her thoughts were on Springer, mostly.

"Well, I never dreamed of being a Prime. I wasn't even seriously thinking about being an officer." Rodimus paused reflectively. "Come to think of it, I wasn't thinking seriously about anything at that point. Anyway, when Optimus was killed..."

"Optimus was killed....but...I saw him in the photos?!" Hot Rod sounded shocked. His father's death wasn't a pleasant concept to him.

"It's a loooong story, but he was revived eventually, and is currently wondering how he ever managed without me, I hope. I also hope he's having a really hard time! This blasted vacation was his dumb idea!" Rodimus said with amused venom. Hot Rod smiled.

"Anyway, when he died, the Matrix chose me, of all people, to replace him. I had no idea it was coming, no officer's training, and NO clue as to how to handle myself, the duties, or the Autobots! Needless to say, I had a hard time adjusting."

Hot Rod stared at him, wide-eyed. "No training? What about the Academy?"

"What academy? We don't have anything like a school."

"But," Hot Rod queried, "if there's no Academy, how do you earn your right to join the Autobots?"

"I was an Autobot on the day I was activated."

Hot Rod stared at him, wide-eyed and...appalled.

Rodimus took that as a sign to go on. "So there I was, barely 20 Earth years old, pulled out of the ranks by the Matrix to lead warriors with millions of years more experience than me and no training. I of course spent about 30 seconds thinking 'Cool! I'm taller!' and then had a very private nervous break-down. It's a rather stupid system, come to think of it. Makes a rough job that much more insane. Anyway, I think if someone had given me any advanced warning, I would have spent five minutes studying Op's position, and hauled my tailpipe out of there as fast as I could go! That's why we tried to get away from you guys. I thought you'd panic."

Hot Rod shook his head. "I'm used to the idea, and I know they won't promote me unless I'm ready for it." In his head he wondered though... Springer had implied his grades were fixed and that his position in Magnus' first cohort was simply to please his father. Sure Springer had apologized, but only because Magnus made him.

Unaware of his twin's concerns, Rodimus continued, "I wish I'd had that advantage. In my case, it wasn't really a promotion - it was a choosing. The Matrix claims its bearer, and that's the end of it." Rodimus felt cold. He was just realizing that this system was probably yet another of the checks Vector Sigma had used to control the war and perpetuate it. A new Autobot commander, drawn raw and unsuspecting from the ranks, would be off-balance and easier to mold than one who was prepared emotionally in advance. He could only hope Hot Rod wouldn't sense his anger.

"The Matrix? How can it choose anything anyway? It's just a big rock," Hot Rod asked incredulously. "Here the Council of Elders plays a big part in that, although the Matrix has to be able to link with who they decide on."

Rodimus smiled, "You'll have explain how that works to me later. We don't have a council of elders. We do have a council, but since I set it up I'll be damned if anyone goes around calling me a flipping elder. In my universe the Matrix stores the personalities and memories of all of its bearers. When they die, their shades lurk around in there and gossip I guess, until they decide on someone they'd like to have join them. Maybe they thought I'd be good for a laugh."

Hot Rod snickered a little. "OK...that's very different. It sounds...it sounds like you must have had a hard time."

"You are very polite. What you mean to say is that it sounds like a fucking miracle the Autobots aren't extinct. I had lots of help, on the job training, and we got lucky. That doesn't change the fact that there were plenty of Autobots besides Huffer saying 'We're all doomed!'"

Hot Rod made a sympathetic face and looked back more fondly on his grueling Academy instruction.

"Now," Rodimus asked a little pleadingly, "since I don't know how to play this stupid looking game, and I may have to go back to behaving responsibly soon, will you please show me how this is done? Try not to make me look like a complete idiot, OK? It's been one of those weeks already!"

Hot Rod handed him the second controller and reset the game. "OK. The first level is easy, but you have to rake up the points when you can so..."

Ultra Magnus smiled from the kitchen doorway, and snuck back outside, popping the rest of his sandwich into his mouth as he did. Rodimus heard the door click shut, and smiled too, before turning his full attention to the game. It didn't help. He didn't clear the first board.

X

X

X

When Rodimus finally got sick of having Hot Rod embarrass him with game after game, he went back outside to join Lancer at the patio table next to the pool. She was busy exchanging pregnancy horror stories with Carly, and the two of them had Marissa alternating between laughter and trauma.

"Remind me never to get pregnant," Marissa said, grimacing.

"Marissa, never get pregnant!" Lancer and Rodimus said in unison.

"Aggghhh! The sure sign of a couple who have been together too long!" Marissa groaned. "Bad jokes in stereo!"

"We, are fucking hysterical," said Lancer with prim dignity.

"Not to mention modest!" Marissa sniggered.

"Exactly! You are so insightful to notice all our virtues this way, Marissa. Most people think we are a bloody pain in the ass!"

"Oh no! Really? I can't imagine that!" Marissa said.

Hot Rod flew past them in his bathing suit and cannon-balled into the pool where most of the others were staying cool.

"HOT ROD! You pain in the ass!" Springer shouted. They started wrestling playfully.

Rodimus smiled, "Sounds just like home."

"Why don't you join them," asked Marissa. "I know you've got a cute little swim suit with you." She grinned flirtatiously.

"Why Miss Fairborne! I'm spoken for!" Rodimus said primly. "What if Ultra Magnus found out!?"

"Oh, don't worry, he and I have an open relationship," Marissa said seductively.

"You and HIM? I meant him and ME! GASP! He's cheating on me! I feel faint!" Rodimus said, holding one hand dramatically to his forehead.

Lancer watched Carly and Marissa laugh. She chuckled a little, but was trying not to encourage Rodimus too much. "You. Are a trouble maker," she said.

"That's me job!" Rodimus said, looking at the tears running down Marissa's face in satisfaction. Marissa struggled to get control of herself, and then saw Magnus looking suspiciously on from the side of the pool. She laughed harder, especially when she saw Rodimus shrugging innocently and shaking his head as if he didn't know what the problem was either. Magnus glared at him, sensing full well that not only was Rodimus the cause of this hysteria, but that the one and only Ultra Magnus was the butt of the joke.

"I think I will go swimming," Rodimus said. "My work here is done!"

"Uh-huh," said Lancer dryly, as he walked back inside.

"Oh....Oh my," said Carly, wiping her eyes. "Lancer how do you put up with that?"

"After a while you develop a tolerance. Sort of like viral immunity," Lancer said. Rodimus sent her a few things to prove her wrong. She started giggling, but managed to cover it up with a cough. Rodi subsided for the moment, his point made.

"Aren't you going to swim?" Marissa asked, "It's certainly hot enough. I'm going to get my suit pretty soon." She was just noticing that Lancer was wearing a high- necked shirt with long sleeves.

"No. I don't own a suit," Lancer said.

"You could try on one of mine," Carly offered. "It might fit you, and I'm not allow to swim until I heal up from the delivery a little more. Besides, I doubt any of those suits will fit until I lose the baby-weight."

"No thanks, Carly. I'm fine, and if I really want to swim, I'll just do it in my clothes."

Rodimus came out of the house in his suit, and waved flirtatiously at the women as he passed. Then he dove smoothly into the water with hardly a splash.

"Me oh my," said Marissa incorrigibly. "Yet another FINE example of Autobot craftsmanship."

"They all do seem to turn out nice in the end," Lancer said smugly, pointing out Springer's rear as he floated, face down, on the inner tube. Even Carly participated as the jokes continued.

Continued in Part E.


	5. Chapter 5

Maelstrom Chapter 30  
Conversations in a Kitchen: Chapter 1 Part E

Author's note: This story is part of a LONG series called Maelstrom. It is strictly Gen. 1 - sorry, but that was all that was out when I started writing back in the late 1980's. It began as a fan-publication so the first chapters are in the form of a comic book! If you have not read the nine original **Maelstrom Comics** and the preceding text stories, I strongly suggest you do. This is a complex universe. They can be found at http// illmatar. deviantart. com (I have put double spaces between the URL here or FF . Net eats the link.) The comics and art which accompanies this series are there...and believe me I am a better artist than writer.

**Most chapters of this series contain strong language and violence. Rated M for adult themes! Really! Transformers characters belong to Hasbro. Critiques adored! This scene contains strong language, violence, and sex. Rated M for adult themes! **

**  
Transformers characters belong to Hasbro. Story and OC characters are mine. Critiques adored!  
**

Conversations in a Kitchen - Chapter 1  
Part E

Continued from Part D!

Rodimus knew through the link what they were talking about, and decided to play both sides against the middle. He stroked up to Ultra Magnus who was intent on staring holes into him. A wave of laughter floated over the pool from the patio table.

"They're talking about us, you know." Rodimus said, in a scheming tone.

"Uh-huh," Magnus said, suspiciously.

"Yeah, they were really going on about you a few minutes ago. I get the feeling Lancer started it because she was the only one not cracking up. She just sat there looking smug." Rodimus said, making sure Lancer couldn't pick up his plan.

Magnus paused. He was still suspicious, but he did remember Lancer being the only one under control earlier. Maybe he had been wrong, and it wasn't Rodimus' doing. He was also thinking there was something odd about Rodimus, but lost that train of thought when another round of laughter soared from the other end of the yard. The fact that all three of the women at the table were staring directly at them did nothing to ease his suspicions.

Foul Play stopped her dogged laps for a moment to see what was so funny. She shook her black hair out of her eyes, shrugged, and went back to her laps. What she lacked in grace, she made up in determination. It wasn't unusual for her to miss the point of a lot of Autobot-style humor. Laughter among her own kind usually involved someone else getting hurt. What she did understand was that this stupid body took a lot of maintenance, and pizza had a lot of calories.

Marissa and Carly watched Rodimus pin Magnus in a corner to whisper about something.

"Oh God! It looks just like they're flirting!" Marissa groaned.

"He's doing this on purpose," Lancer said. "You do realize that, don't you?" She was studying the Miami Herald as if her life depended on it.

"OH..." Marissa gasped, "Oh yes! That's what's so funny! None of our guys would ever DREAM of doing this to the All-Mighty Magnus! Not in a million years of dreaming!"

Lancer shrugged, "If there is one thing Rodimus has, it's gall." She frowned at the paper.

"I wonder what they're really talking about," Carly said, wiping her eyes again.

"So do I..." Lancer said quietly. She was just realizing Rodimus was shielding what he was saying. It did not inspire confidence. No. Her suspicions only got worse when Magnus pulled all seven feet of himself out of the pool, and started towards them.

"What a lucky girl am I," Marissa said, with a dramatic sigh. Carly snickered. Lancer had to admit he had a nice body, but there was something strange about it she couldn't quite place. The thought was lost amongst other concerns - like whether or not the Jabez were active here, and what exactly had her treacherous life-mate set in motion.

Magnus didn't say a word, he just stalked over and made a grab for Lancer.

Carly yelped in surprise when his swinging arms splattered water all over her and Marissa. Marissa squealed.

Lancer was not about to be just grabbed, however. She ducked her head and tumbled right between Magnus' towering legs. She let the roll take her a few feet behind him and carry her up to her feet in one fluid motion. Marissa was screaming with laughter at the perplexed look on Magnus' face when his hands came up empty. He wasn't even sure where Lancer had disappeared to, until Carly, unable to speak, simply pointed behind him. He made a disgusted face, looked back at a hysterical Marissa, and flicked the water off his hands straight at her.

"Hey!" she yelped. "My eye!"

Magnus was already reorienting on his target and stomping after her again. Lancer flitted lightly away from him, grinning a little as he stalked her. When she got a little space between them, her eyes sought her mate who was floating innocently in the pool.

"What did you tell him you devil? Magnus! You can't trust a word of it, whatever it is!"

Magnus didn't answer, having been told to expect this behavior. Besides, they had been looking at him.

Lancer glared at Rodimus, who made a face at her when Magnus couldn't see, then he resumed his "hurt/falsely accused" routine. You could almost see the halo.

That was OK though, cause there was no possible way Magnus was going to catch her. She let him get closer so she could tease him by repeatedly darting out of reach. She laughed and taunted him. Once, she leapt up and did a hand-spring off his shoulders. Hot Rod, Springer, Arcee, and Foul Play were watching with their mouths hanging open. They couldn't decide whether or not to laugh at this show. On the one hand, it was funny. On the other, none of them could replicate the moves Lancer was using to avoid their crabby commander.... and they certainly didn't want Magnus frustration to rebound on them.

Marissa saw Rodimus pull himself up to the side of the pool. At first she thought he might get out to join the chase, but instead he just folded his elbows on the edge, and rested his chin on his arms. He had a strange, devilish smile on his face as he watched his mate nimbly ducking Magnus' every blow.

Inexplicably, Lancer suddenly froze. She stood bolt upright and gasped. Magnus hesitated a moment, suspecting some ploy, and Marissa noticed a blush run up from under Lancer's collar just before Magnus took two fast strides and picked her off the ground. She struggled vainly (she didn't want to hurt him, and she was laughing anyway). He didn't give her much time in any case. He simply carried her over and dropped her in the pool.

There was a moment of stunned silence during which only Rodimus roared with laughter. Then everyone else joined in. Hot Rod and the others felt completely safe laughing at Lancer.

The water boiled and Lancer erupted out of it in front of her howling mate.

What did you tell him? she sent.

That you were picking on him, and that you hate to get wet.

I WASN'T. AND I DON'T! she sent.

You know that, and I know that, but...

"YOU ARE A DEAD MAN, RODIMUS PRIME!" she roared, with a suspicious lack of fangs. She came at him.

Rodimus yelped, and laughed as he swiftly pulled out of the pool. "Look out! Coming through!" he cried as he ran off with Lancer hot on his heels. She had on the most bestial grin Marissa had ever seen. Rodimus hopped some of the deck chairs, and spun Spike around by the shoulders when the unsuspecting man stepped out of the house into his path. A little dizzy, but miraculously unflattened, Spike saw Lancer coming, and thought "Well, here it comes now." He shut his eyes in anticipation, and was amazed to feel only air brush by. It gave Spike a whole new outlook on life.

Lancer gained a little on Rodimus and he tried calling for backup.

"Magnus! Come on, you got me into this!" he cried.

"Really? And I suppose that's why she's going after you instead of me? Not this time, Rodimus!" Magnus said smugly. It was OK if Rodimus had made a patsy out of him. He was content to have gotten a decisive victory over Lancer for a change. He'd worry about Rodimus later. His future victim was still dodging Lancer with that same inexplicable grace that she had used against him, but it wasn't until she got Rodimus into a corner that the group got a real shock. Rodimus didn't stop when he came up against the fence. He grasped the top of it and flipped himself over. Seconds later, Lancer followed.

"Cool!" said Hot Rod. No one else gave their eyes enough credit to speak right away.

"Did...did I just see two people jump a nine foot fence?" Spike asked at last. Hot Rod was pushing deck chairs over to the wall to have a look. He stood on one and still couldn't see. Magnus rolled his eyes and lifted his nephew up.

"Do you see them?" he asked.

"No," Hot Rod said, disappointed, but with all of his usual energy. "I wish I could do that," he said.

"Maybe you should ask them to teach you," his uncle said. "Are you done?" Hot Rod nodded. Magnus put him down in time to see Rodimus come over the fence on the opposite end of the yard.

He loped up, still grinning, "I'd like to say I lost her, but I know better," he panted.

"And so you should," Lancer said. She was perched on the edge of Spike's roof. Rodimus grinned, and spread his arms in welcome as she launched herself straight at him.

"Come to me baby!" he cried. They toppled straight into the pool. There was a lot of general splashing, but when they finally surfaced they were all over each other. It looked a little like a fight, but not much.

"I need a drink," said Spike.

Lancer and Rodimus came out of the pool eventually, still grinning like a pair of kids. Marissa was still smiling a little at them, although she was too tired to laugh that much anymore. She watched Rodimus coming up out of the water appreciatively. He wasn't as huge as Magnus or Springer, and she could still see a lot of similarity to Hot Rod's sleeker build, but his musculature was extremely well defined and unlike the others he moved like a cat. Suddenly she stood up with a surprised shriek.

"He hasn't got any nipples!" she said, pointing at Rodimus. He gave her a wide eyed stare, and then looked behind him as if to see what she was pointing at. The rest of the group also stopped to stare, stunned... again.

"He hasn't!' Carly agreed.

"I don't?" Rodimus said, looking down at himself as if in shock.

"You don't!" Lancer said. "Good grief Rodimus! You'd forget you own head if it wasn't attached!"

"Are you sure it is?" Rodimus said nervously, taking his head in his hands as if to test this.

"Stop clowning!" Lancer snapped. "Where did you leave them?"

"Um....."

"THINK!"

"Probably on the dresser, I forgot to pack them." Rodimus said meekly.

"Honestly, Rodi! Do I have to think of everything? How many times do I have to remind you to bring your nipples? And look! You've forgotten your belly-button too!"

She managed to glare at him a moment longer, and then they both dissolved into laughter.

"Why don't you have nipples?"Springer asked.

"Why do you have nipples? Human males get those in the womb." Rodimus rejoined when he could finally breath. "It's probably got something to do with the process that changed us, I guess." He couldn't help chuckling a little more at their reaction to this. It was something he took entirely for granted.

Hey, maybe this vacation will turn out to be fun! he sent at Lancer.

She shook her head, and cuffed him.

It is odd they have prenatal scars, sent Lancer.

Maybe it has something to do with having parents, he returned with a mental grin.

Carly, as usual, returned to her hostess instinct to regain control of the situation.

"Spike, did you get the groceries?"

"Yes," he managed. Sometimes Carly's ability to remain calm during these events drove him a little crazy.

"FOOD!" shouted Springer and Hot Rod together, with all minor trivialities like absent nipples completely forgotten.

"You'd think they'd learn eventually that it needs to be cooked first," Spike said in resignation. Carly only smiled.

"What is it tonight?" she asked.

"Hot Dogs. I went for cheap and simple," Spike said.

"My two favorite qualities, " Carly said, "Get the grill lit, and we'll get started."

X

X

X

Dinner was chaotic, as usual. Spike was glad he got plenty of extra for the guests. Carly couldn't get the food off the grill to the table fast enough. She usually started off with a full plate of hot dogs by the grill, but ended up with none by the time she got to the kitchen. There seemed to be moving bodies everywhere, snatching the hot dogs off the plate as she walked. Arcee and Springer seemed to have totally adjusted to the intruders - or at least it didn't slow down the nightly seduction sequence. Hot Rod also seemed to have relaxed for the most part, which meant he was into everything at once again.

Rodimus didn't touch a single hot dog, but Lancer made up for it by eating his share in addition to her own. Even Magnus seemed a little impressed by that. Marissa did notice another of those odd, silent exchanges pass between Rodimus and Lancer before he sighed and took a little bit of salad. He ate it dry with his fingers. Lancer didn't seem entirely satisfied with this, and scooped him some potato salad, which he pointedly ignored. Noticing that Magnus had a tendency to help himself to anything left unguarded, Rodimus made certain his plate made an easy target. Never one to let good food sit there, Magnus obliged him by taking Rodi's portion on the sly. He slipped all the salad off Rodi's plate, and quickly put the plate back. This earned him a quick, grateful look from Rodimus. Lancer looked at the empty plate a little suspiciously, but didn't say anything. She did, however, give Magnus a long, searching look. He did his best to look innocent. From the way she narrowed her eyes, he didn't think it worked, not that he was too worried about it. He didn't care about her annoyance or Rodimus' gratitude. All he cared about was that there was food involved.

The meal progressed with its usual fits of teasing and cursing. Foul Play was the one that seemed a little more withdrawn than usual this time. Hot Rod finally turned to Rodimus and asked, a little nervously, if they would teach him some of the things they'd done that afternoon.

"Hah!" Springer said, "That's an idea! In your dreams, moron."

Lancer glared openly at Springer, who was, as usual, oblivious.

"Sure kid," Rodimus said, with a quelling thought sent to Lancer's irritation. "We'll teach you everything you need to know! For example, Magnus Management Tactics. Would you like to learn some of those?"

"WHAT?" Hot Rod said.

"What." Magnus said. Somehow, he made that one word sound like a warning, rather than a question. Rodimus gave him his most cheerful smile.

"Errr...." said Hot Rod.

"Sure you do!" Rodimus said. "Now these are the techniques that those of us who don't want to put their toes in Magnus' crotch use to get him to behave better." Marissa nearly chocked on her food. Her body convulsed with laughter. Rodimus grinned at her and winked. "Now where was I? Oh yes. Well, in my dimension Mags is rather fond of reports. Do you like reports Ultra Magnus?" Rodimus gave Magnus about three eyeblinks of complete attention, and then went on before Magnus could speak. "Now, Op and I are busy, and we don't have time to listen to a stack of reports seven feet tall," Rodimus grinned at Magnus, "read word for word. It was very hard to break him of this, but I found a few things that helped. First there is the dreaded brain-sucker! Allow me to demonstrate. You take your hand, and put it on top of his head like this."

Rodimus stood up and put his hand, fingers splayed, on Magnus' head. Magnus seemed stunned into immobility. In fact, his muscles were locked in a civil war in which one side fought for restraint, and the other wanted to choke the shit out of this insane little bastard.

The insane little bastard leaned over and peered into Magnus face while his hand "sucked" the top of Magnus head. He glanced at Hot Rod. "You always have to ask the questions, it's very important." Turning back to Magnus, he said "What's this?"

Silence.

"It's a brain-sucker," Rodimus said. "He always gives the same answer in our dimension too!" he said turning to Hot Rod.

"What's it doing?" he asked Magnus.

Silence.

"Geez, the similarity is uncanny," Rodimus noted. "It's dying Ultra Magnus. Concrete poisoning!" Rodimus let his hand flop on the table in front of Magnus, and twitched his fingers like a dying ant. "All the brain suckers at home die of the same thing," Rodimus said mournfully. "It's very sad." He looked at Magnus' set expression and shook his head. "Ooo, a hard case."

Rodi paused for a moment and tapped his fingers on his chin. "Hmm, what's next? Well, there are a few songs I should teach you later. Turkey Buzzards, Traffic Lights, and the ultimate weapon, The Song That Doesn't End! Guaranteed to send any and all annoyances running for cover, reports and all. Works on Optimus' too, in a pinch, but is most effective on Magni. Never ever teach it to the Dinobots by the way." Rodimus informed Hot Rod gravely. "Learn from the mistakes of one who has been there! Alright, this last technique is very potent, and should only be used in dire emergencies like the quarterly inspections. It's called "In My own Space". Now before I do this, you must understand that it is critical that you never touch the person in question. You must keep you finger close to said vict...er...said person's face, but not touch them. Understand?"

By this point the whole table was laughing, and even Ultra Magnus was beginning to smile just a little. He couldn't think of how else to respond. No one besides Marissa had ever dared to be this casual with him, ever. Marissa noticed the faint smile through her tears of laughter, and was pleased. Magnus was learning to open up around her, but he needed to do it more with others as well. Rodimus noticed it too, and felt triumph. Making the others laugh was easy. Making Magnus laugh was a real feat. He hadn't gotten a laugh yet, but he felt he was getting there.

What followed came as a complete shock to everyone.

Rodimus turned back towards Magnus and demonstrated his "tactic" by holding one finger about two inches from Magnus' eyes, going on about how Magnus couldn't object because he wasn't actually being touched. He was closest to Magnus, but he was speaking to Hot Rod, and missed the way Magnus' face changed. Marissa had her head down on her arms as she fought to breath. Magnus quit hearing Rodimus' rambling almost at once. The hovering hand somehow drew poisonous memories out of their pit. The finger warped in his mind into needles, probes, squirming tentacles... NO! DON'T TOUCH ME!

"RODI! LOOK!" Lancer screamed - her mind transmitting more than her words. At the same instant seven feet of terror-driven muscle pushed away from Rodi's hand, knocking over his chair, and destroying it. Magnus scrambled backwards on his hands, crab-like, and didn't stop until he hit the wall. Then he fought for his life.

Rodimus whirled instantly, and knew the look on Magnus' face only too well. He was looking wildly around him, but he wasn't seeing what was really there. His mind was elsewhere, or perhaps elsewhen. Rodimus allowed himself half a second to feel heart sick over what he'd caused, and then shut off his emotions to attend to business. Marissa was on her feet and moving before her mind even really registered what was happening.

"Keep BACK!" Rodimus ordered, the look on his face almost as unbelievable as the one on Magnus'. No one in the group could believe their eyes. The Autobots knew some of Magnus' past, but they had never, ever seen him crack at all. They knew he had nightmares, but this was a whole new league.

Foul Play couldn't decide what to feel. She knew this was one of her people's most feared enemies, and she shouldn't care about his pain. She realized with a start, however, that she knew these people better than any Decepticon, and Magnus had defended her more than once; he had even saved her life. Trying to think of something that might cause such a response in the legendary Ultra Magnus, she failed utterly.

One thing became utterly clear to her in that moment. These people truly cared about each other. Amongst her own kind, "friendships" were a matter of convenience which ended the minute the advantage was over. Certainly, no one wasted time or energy on those with war-trauma. Weaknesses were cut out of the Decepticon ranks, not healed, and one kissed up to one's superiors only until you found a way to dispose of them. She had suspected that all of the apparent friendship among the Autobots was merely a cover for the same attitude. Now she saw she was wrong.

Hot Rod, Springer, and the others weren't pleased to see Magnus fall in spite of the way he dominated their lives. They weren't trying to usurp his command in a weak moment. They were terrified for him. They stepped forward to try to help him, until Lancer drove them back. The fear Arcee was exhibiting. The way Carly clung to Spike. Hot Rod's repeated attempts to get to his uncle in spite of Rodimus' forbidding scowl. These things weren't faked. They served no ulterior purpose. She watched Marissa trying to calm and soothe Magnus, and knew these efforts would eventually succeed. Ultra Magnus would not be a lost resource for the Autobots. He would heal to fight again. Foul Play suddenly wished she could count on such support if ever wounded or traumatized. She also suddenly realized she was lonely.

"What did you do to him?" Marissa asked eventually. She had Magnus' head cradled in her lap. He still wasn't with them, but the wild flailing had stopped almost immediately. His body twitched weakly now and then, but that was all.

"Pressure points," Lancer said promptly. She wasn't about to tell Marissa that she was a mutant and had disrupted Magnus' nervous system to keep him still. Lancer felt strongly that a discussion of her metabolism wasn't really called for right now.

"Is there anything we can do to make the room less threatening for him?" Rodimus asked Marissa quietly.

"No," she said. She was too preoccupied at the moment to wonder how he knew to ask, but she would later. She held Magnus as gently as she could, hating the petrified look in his eyes - the look of an abused child. She rocked him a little and talked to him, stroking his cold face as she did. Tears rolled down her cheeks.

"I'm sorry Marissa," Rodimus said softly. His voice held a world of guilt. "I had no idea..."

"Of course you didn't, neither did I. I'm sure he didn't either, did you big guy? No, you didn't. When are you coming back to us? Huh? Come on now. Carly made desert, and I know you'd hate to miss that." She kept at it, grateful that neither Lancer or Rodimus interfered, and that they kept the others away. Magnus' eyes still rolled randomly - watching something deadly only he could see. Lancer touched him again, briefly, on his neck. She had been watching his nerve response and saw her initial "short circuit" was wearing off. She tried to make it look as though she was pinching a nerve, and could only hope paralysis wasn't part of Magnus' trauma.

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, the random jumping of his eyes and limbs just stopped. Lancer touched him the moment he was looking at them instead of through them and restored control of his muscles to him. She stayed close, ready to put him back down if necessary.

Magnus looked at them with childish confusion for a moment. Then the cold masks fell with a nearly audible click. Marissa could only hope he didn't suffer a permanent set-back. She knew how embarrassed he must feel.

So, apparently, did Rodimus. "I'm sorry I did that to you, Magnus. I never dreamed... I guess I'm guilty of making too many comparisons too. The strongest response I've ever gotten out of your twin is that ridiculous photo-album." He helped Marissa get Magnus on his feet.

Magnus looked at the tight cluster of worried friends at the other end of the room, and wanted to run in shame. None of their faces held anything but worry and compassion, but he didn't want either. He was supposed to be the strong one! How could he command their respect when a silly prank was enough to send him crawling on the floor? In that moment, he hated himself.

Rodimus seemed to sense this. "No. No," he whispered. "It's just scars. They hurt sometimes. That's just the way it is. You don't need to be ashamed, and they won't look down on you for it." Magnus just stared at him.

"Go upstairs and rest a while,"Rodimus said, "Marissa, can you take him? Go on. I'll take care of this. Go on upstairs. What? You're worried we won't save you any desert? Go on."

Marissa gave Rodimus a brief, grateful smile and guided Magnus up the stairs, her arm around his waist. A short while later, Lancer went up the stairs and listened outside their bedroom door. She smiled to herself, and left the two plates with slabs of apple pie on the floor in the hall.

X

X

X

The next morning Magnus was up before dawn. He went down the stairs as quietly as he could, intending to eat his breakfast and vanish back upstairs before anyone else was awake. He got down to the living room and froze on the last step - one foot poised in the air. Rodimus was standing in the living room with his back to him. Magnus had a short-lived idea about turning around and sneaking back upstairs, when Rodimus turned slowly to look at him. Rodi's face held no surprise to see him there, just intense, soul-deep sadness. Magnus fought to keep his emotions locked away under his cold shell, but had the sinking feeling that told the man confronting him more than any flashback or tantrum.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Rodimus asked.

"No."

"It will get easier if you do," came the soft reply.

Magnus got down off the last stair and strode forward into the living room. He went up right next to Rodimus and deliberately towered threateningly close. He was sick of people pretending to know what was best for him.

"How would you know?" he growled softly, challengingly.

The look of sadness and compassion on Rodi's face didn't flicker in the face of Magnus' ire.

"I know." he said softly.

"You don't. You can't." Magnus said.

Rodimus only raised one eyebrow and then turned away from him to stare out into the night. He let the silence speak for him for a while, until he heard Magnus stiffen in shock. Then he turned to meet the city commander's stunned eyes.

"It helps to talk about it." Rodimus said. It was a statement of fact. He looked away again, but Magnus came closer to study his profile as if he'd never laid eyes on him before.

"You speak from experience," Magnus said. It wasn't really a question, and Rodimus didn't need to nod.

"But, you act so..so.." Magnus stopped. He didn't know what he wanted to say.

"We all have our masks, Magnus, and I've had longer to heal." Rodimus said. "So if you want to talk to someone who's been there, I'm listening."

Magnus opened his mouth, tempted, but then balked and shook his head. Rodimus looked at him, and shrugged. "Let me know if you change you mind," he said simply. Then he turned, and glided silently up the stairs like a phantom, leaving Magnus troubled and brooding.

X

X

X

The day passed slowly and awkwardly. Everybody went about their usual activities, but in a subdued, muffled sort of way. Even Hot Rod's video games seemed quieter than usual. Conversations went on, but people would often pause and change the subject if they seemed headed for the previous night's events. Lancer and Rodimus worked together on their teleporter for hours without speaking a word, although occasionally one or the other would look up and glare or smile at the other for no apparent reason.

Magnus lurked in his room most of the day, coming down only to eat. When he came down around noon, Hot Rod tried to get him to go out for a game of football, and seemed a little hurt when Magnus declined. Hot Rod took a step towards his uncle, looking like he wanted to say something, and then backed off nervously. Even Springer and Arcee reserved most of their "games" for the privacy of their bedroom. It all made Marissa crazy, because she knew their altered behavior made Magnus' embarrassment all the more acute.

She went upstairs to see how he was doing, and was not surprised to find him staring blankly out the window. She ran her hands across his back as she came up to stand next to him.

"Hey, what's a gorgeous guy like you doing in a place like this?" she said, hoping for the faintest smile. He looked at her strangely instead.

"What's wrong?"

"I don't know if I should tell you," he said slowly.

"What? Magnus you know you can tell me anything! At least I hope you know that by now!" she said avidly.

"No. It's not me, exactly," he answered, and then sighed when he saw her look of worried confusion. "Marissa...Rodimus approached me this morning. He...he implied that he understood what I was going through... from personal experience."

Marissa's eyes widened, but knew her instincts had been warning her of something right from the start. "Well, that would explain how well he and Lancer handled things yesterday," she mused.

"I...I don't remember," Magnus confessed.

"They were calm about it. Professional, almost. I've never seen anyone switch gears as fast as Rodimus did. He seemed like a different person."

"We all have our masks," Magnus muttered to himself. "Do you think I should talk to him?"

Marissa paused, wishing she knew more about Rodimus. If this was true, then all of her previous observations of his behavior and personality were called into question. She didn't want to discourage Magnus though, not after all this time of trying to get him to open up, even a little. "I don't know. Do you want to?"

"I don't know. Will you come with me if I do?"

"If that's what you want."

"I don't know if he's willing to talk to you," Magnus said quietly.

"Well. I'll go ask. OK?" Marissa said. He smiled at her slightly in thanks, and the sight of it made her feel better. She went back downstairs and thought, "Well, no time like the present," and headed for the kitchen.

She paused in the doorway, and they looked up from their project in unison. It gave her the creeps a little. Or maybe she was just nervous. Rodimus grinned in welcome, and Marissa thought "If that's a mask, it's a damn good one. It's entirely impossible to take that face seriously." His face grew grim when she didn't return his smile, and Lancer, on the counter, hopped down and shut the doors to Carly's kitchen. Hot Rod and Springer, caught sight of the three through the kitchen window, looked at each other and reluctantly changed their minds about getting something to eat.

"Magnus says you offered to talk to him," Marissa said without preamble. She was worried about Magnus and wasn't about to play any games.

Rodimus seemed to respect that. "Yes," he said simply.

"Why?"

Rodimus sighed, "Well, I could tell you that its out of guilt because I initiated the flashback, but to be perfectly frank I would have offered earlier if I had known. I've been there, and it's not something anyone should ever have to go through, but it's impossible to do it alone."

"I've been doing what I can for him," Marissa said, with no trace of self- importance. She was just stating the truth.

Rodimus smiled gently - an entirely different smile from the roguish grin he normally used. "I know. It shows. If you think it might set him back, I'll back off. I just thought he might get some good from my more healed perspective."

"What will you say to him? That it's all going to be fine, and he'll forget it soon enough?" Marissa said, unable to keep a little derision out of her voice.

"Hell no!" Rodimus said. "It's never going to go away! And it's never going to be fine! I don't know who hurt him or why, but that kind of trauma doesn't just happen. It's inflicted, and that's never fine."

"What then?" Marissa said, at the same time wondering what had happened to this version of their Hot Rod that he really did seem to understand.

"That the flashbacks aren't a reason to be ashamed. That he won't forget what happened, but that it will dwindle in importance if he gets on with his life. That needing people to help you now and then isn't a sign of weakness, but that trying to stand alone all the time is. That having been hurt doesn't make him worthless. Do you think he needs to hear these things? I'm sure you've told him. Maybe I can add some weight to it, so that he doesn't think it's just you that believes it."

"I...I think that may be exactly what he needs," Marissa said eagerly, "Can I be there when you talk to him?"

"I don't see why not," Rodimus smiled. "I'm partial to red-heads."

"Thanks," Marissa said, returning his smile. Her smile faded, "and ...I'm sorry."

"For what?" Rodimus said, as Lancer came to stand behind him. Marissa was a little startled - she had forgotten Lancer was in the room.

"For whatever taught you to understand him," Marissa said.

Rodimus smiled, "I was lucky," he said, looking up at Lancer. "I had help, and so is Magnus because he has help too. He just needs to be reminded now and then."

"As if you didn't," Lancer said, smiling affectionately, and toying with his hair.

"Every single day," Rodimus said, "Still do." He winked at Marissa. "I need it every day, I just don't get it everyday."

Lancer hit him.

Continued in Part F.


	6. Chapter 6

Maelstrom Chapter 30  
Conversations in a Kitchen: Chapter 1 Part F

Author's note: This story is part of a LONG series called Maelstrom. It is strictly Gen. 1 - sorry, but that was all that was out when I started writing back in the late 1980's. It began as a fan-publication so the first chapters are in the form of a comic book! If you have not read the nine original **Maelstrom Comics** and the preceding text stories, I strongly suggest you do. This is a complex universe. They can be found at http// illmatar. deviantart. com (I have put double spaces between the URL here or FF . Net eats the link.) The comics and art which accompanies this series are there...and believe me I am a better artist than writer.

**Most chapters of this series contain strong language and violence. Rated M for adult themes! Really! Transformers characters belong to Hasbro. Critiques adored! This scene contains strong language, violence, and sex. Rated M for adult themes! **

**  
Transformers characters belong to Hasbro. Story and OC characters are mine. Critiques adored!  
**

Conversations in a Kitchen - Chapter 1  
Part F

Continued from Part E!

Magnus paced, fretted, and felt nervous. He wondered why he'd agreed to this.

"Oh, settle down," said Marissa. "This is the same guy who put his hand on top of your head and called it a brain-sucker! You're acting like he's the cadet review and the Counsel of Elders all rolled into one."

Magnus knew that wasn't the reason he was nervous, but the image was so ludicrous that he had to smile a little. What a ridiculous notion, that he'd be edgy around Hot Rod, or even a version of Hot Rod! That was certainly not why he was pacing. Certainly not.

They were in the bedroom they shared, waiting for Rodimus and Lancer to finish putting away the pieces of their mangled teleporter. Magnus half-expected Lancer to join them, but the soft knock at the door turned out to be only Rodimus. Magnus stared at the smaller man in the hall as if he'd never seen him before. See? he told himself, Just a grown-up Hot Rod. Nothing to worry about at all. The moment stretched.

"Um...have you changed your mind or are we going to do this in the hall?" Rodimus said with a smile. After a bit of reflection Magnus realized what the question pertained to and let Rodimus in. He seemed ridiculously relaxed and Magnus hated him for it. Marissa offered him a chair which he took with a smile. Magnus sat down on the bed across from him, and Marissa got up on the dresser. She didn't want to intrude unless she had to, but she made sure to sit where Magnus could see her.

"Do you want to start or shall I go first?" Rodimus asked lightly. Magnus just frowned indecisively, so Rodimus smiled and said, "OK. I'll start. These are the facts, so to speak. I was taken and tortured by a group of aliens known as the Jabez. Ever heard of them? No? Good. They took another Autobot, who shall remain nameless. They played us off each other. They dissected us. They turned us into sensitive little humans, and tortured us some more. They made me the man I am today."

Rodimus paused, and closed his eyes for a moment, in a pain-filled gesture that was quite at odds with his cavalier tone. "Those are the events. The results of those events are that I literally drove myself mad trying to figure out how to save...my friend. Being tortured as a human was entirely too much for my sanity to cope with. I still have nightmares of course, and flashbacks too. I can't scream no matter how much something hurts, because I conditioned myself not to in the torture chamber. I have a serious problem with bright lights, needles, and Med-Labs. If you touch me during a nightmare I will kill you if I can. There is one side of me that can't relax until they're destroyed, and another very scary side of me that would like nothing more than to return the favor to my tormentors at any cost - even the lives of my friends. It's something I have to constantly guard against. There you have it. My story, or at least the relevant part of it." He stopped and inhaled deeply. "There. That wasn't too bad."

Magnus stared at him. "You expect me to just lay it out like that? I can't do that!"

"No. Of course you can't. Magnus, you don't have to tell me at all if you don't want to. It took me years before I could really vocalize what happened, and years longer to get through it without flashing. It's going to take time for you too. I just wanted you to see where you're headed so to speak. You will get better, but it's more like human healing than Autobot healing. It can't just be erased or removed like a faulty circuit. It takes time, and there will always be scars...."

"Scars..?" Magnus asked.

"The flashbacks. The dreams. That sick, worthless feeling inside you when you doubt your own value because you got messed with. Scars. They are real, and they hurt, but they aren't the whole thing. They aren't all you are, and they aren't all your life will be either. Your wounds are just fresher than mine." Rodimus said, hoping he was making some kind of sense.

"How old were you?" Magnus asked sharply.

"I was a full Prime by that point. I was even to the point where I thought I knew what I was doing." Rodimus said, with a sarcastic snort.

"I was still a newling," Magnus whispered. "The Quintissons took my brother and me. They killed our mother and destroyed our colony." His eyes grew distant with pain, "They put us in the labor camps. Most everybody died from the way they treated us. You didn't talk to people. You didn't make friends. It was just a waiting game to see who would be the next to die, and when I didn't, they took me for the gladiator games. They locked me in the dark, and the only time they let me out it was to mess with my head, or to throw me into the arena. They took my memories and replaced them with killing tactics. I can't really remember my mother. I can't remember my brother. I can't even remember my own real name. How can you say that isn't all there is? There's no real me. I couldn't even talk when they found me. I was erased. There's just this thing the Quints made, and all it's good for is fighting!"

Marissa choked back tears. She had been fighting this feeling of worthlessness with marginal success. She hated it that he couldn't see more in himself, and raged against the Quints who had blinded him.

"I think Marissa would argue with you on that, Ultra Magnus," Rodimus said Magnus turned to look at her and was surprised, as he always was, at the anguish for him that he saw on her face. But then she was such a compassionate person, she could even care for him. He nearly dismissed Rodi's point, but the other man was continuing.

"I think the others would too. They care a lot about you. You. Personally. Heck, even Springer respects you in spite of himself. He isn't prone to respecting anyone but he respects you."

Magnus opened his mouth to argue, but then shut it. Rodimus was right. Springer did respect him, Magnus was certain of that, and the triple-changer was proud of his sarcastic image.

"Magnus, what I don't think you realize," Rodimus went on, "is that feeling of worthlessness is a part of what comes with abuse. It's perhaps the most insidious part of it, because while they caused it, you think it's coming from within. They made you feel worthless because they treated you like you were worthless, and in your search for answers you had only yourself in which to search for reasons. Victims, especially children, end up deciding they deserve what happened or brought it on themselves."

"But..."

"Magnus. The other people that died in those camps? Did they deserve to die?"

"No! Rodimus how can you sugg..."

Rodimus cut him off. "What about your brother? I'll bet he must have really been the worthless one, right? How exactly did he get himself into that mess in the first place anyway? Why didn't he protect you and your mother? And your whole colony for that matter?"

Magnus rose furiously to his feet, "NOW LOOK YOU ASSHOLE, ONE MORE WORD AND I'M GONNA..."

Rodimus cut him off again calmly. "So if it's not your brother's fault...if the others in the camps were innocent....how then can you possibly be guilty? That's what you've been blaming yourself for, isn't it? Getting caught, and somehow not finding a way to save your family. If you know the others weren't to blame, why do you accuse yourself? Magnus you are an intelligent, caring person. You watch out for your friends. You make sure your troops are well cared for because you care about them. You even look out for Foul Play and she's supposed to be your enemy! Now I'm sorry, but that just doesn't sound like Quint handiwork to me, and you do not deserve what happened to you!"

Magnus' mouth worked uselessly. He sank back down on the bed.

"Listen to me Magnus. You are going to doubt yourself again. You are going to have flashbacks again. What's important is that you put things in perspective. You suffered. You suffered immensely for years. But when you broke it down, what did it amount to? A few minutes of explanation. That's it. It's over. It's a story in past tense, and when it threatens to overwhelm you, try to keep in mind what you've accomplished since. You learned to speak again. You rose to a position of authority, and from what Hot Rod told me about this dimension, it even sounds like you had to earn it, didn't you?" Magnus nodded. "Uh-huh.' Rodimus said. "I thought so. You've got people that love you in spite of your evil nature. Hey look! There's one right there!" Rodimus pointed at Marissa, who wiped her eyes and glared at him for making a spectacle of her.

"Uh-Oh, Magnus! I think maybe you were right. Maybe you are worthless. She certainly looks stupid and gullible to me. She'd have to be to hang out with you, right? Easily fooled, are you Marissa?" Rodimus said seriously. "One of those people who likes abuse, are you? No mind of your own? Just blindly follow the first asshole fate throws your way, right? Or maybe you're one of those idiots who wastes their life trying to change someone who doesn't care about them. Is that it?"

Magnus growled a little bit. "Marissa's nothing like that," he said defensively.

"Oh really?" Rodimus drawled, "Then why does she care about you so much?"

Magnus looked from Marissa, to Rodimus, and back again. He seemed so befuddled that Marissa couldn't help but go over to him. She put her arms around his shoulders and held him. He was trembling.

"And that's the last thing," Rodimus said, kneeling down in front of them. "You have this asinine idea that you don't need help, and that you shouldn't need help, and that it's a shameful thing that you might ever need help, and therefore, you won't let anyone help. That's stupid. That's what the Decepticons do to each other, and why they die unhappy and alone. When the pain comes back to haunt you, and it will, make sure there are plenty of people around who understand and can support you. That's not an admission of weakness, it's just good strategy. When you are under siege, it's good to have allies to back you up. Otherwise, sooner or later, the ammo runs out, the power dries up, and the invaders break down the walls. Come on Magnus, you know that! You wouldn't set yourself up like that on the battlefield, why would you do that to yourself in your personal life?"

Magnus blinked at him. Marissa, who had her head leaning on Magnus' arm, gave Rodimus a very thankful smile.

"You...You agreed with what he said?" Magnus asked Marissa.

"Isn't it what I've been telling you all along?" she murmured.

"Look, just think about it, and if you have any questions let me know? I don't even care if you wake me up, just knock first OK? Lancer and I might not be sleeping for a change one of these days." He paused and stood up as if to leave. Turning back at the threshold, he stared at Magnus for a few seconds and then smiled introspectively. "Magnus, I don't know if this applies to you or not, but in my dimension, before Ultra Magnus was Ultra Magnus, his name was Kai." Rodimus grinned that silly grin, and abruptly left.

Lancer met him in the hallway, and they embraced tightly. Lancer sighed. His body was taut with tension.

You did good, she sent.

We'll see, he returned.

You did good, she insisted, and felt his hope that she was right. Somehow, helping Magnus helped make his own past seem...almost worthwhile. Almost.

X

X

X

The next morning the rest of the gang were surprised, and strangely relieved to have Magnus come down to breakfast and punch them as usual. There was a strange, inward cast to his grey eyes which were usually so focused on everything around him. Hot Rod surprised (and slightly embarrassed) his uncle by giving him an enormous hug the second after Magnus hit him in the arm. Marissa came down a little later, seeming a little stiff, but pleased with herself. Lancer and Rodimus were nowhere to be found.

"Have you seen them?" Carly asked Marissa. She had Rodi's glass of orange juice ready this morning, and was a little upset he wasn't there to drink it.

"Not since last night," Marissa said.

"They are out in the yard," Foul Play said quietly.

"What are they doing out there already?" Carly asked. "It's not even light yet."

Foul Play shrugged. "It looked like a dance or something. I don't know."

Nothing would do then expect for all of them filing out to see what in the hell was going on. Magnus sighed a little. It looked like a parade. A very weird parade, but nonetheless a parade. Hot Rod had a terminal case of bed-head, and both he and Springer were still in their underwear. Arcee and Foul Play were hardly more dressed. Spike was fully dressed in preparation for his daily grocery run, but Carly was in a robe and slippers. She frowned a little and walked on her toes when they hit the damp grass. Magnus was aware, particularly from Marissa's amused expression, of what an odd procession they made. That didn't stop him from going, however. When they got out on the lawn what struck them first was the silence.

Lancer and Rodimus were dancing, in a way. They were practicing an elaborate, weaponless fight sequence in perfect unison. It didn't take much to visualize an opponent as they blocked, punched, spun, and kicked their way around the yard. Neither of them paid any heed to their audience, although Magnus was certain they were aware they were being watched. They were both wearing some kind of tight, black jumpsuit. There was a fluid power to every move, and even Springer stared, wide eyed, when their feet left the ground in a series of cart-wheels and hand-springs. They landed in a full, side-ways splits that had all of the men wincing. After about ten minutes of noiseless, muscle-straining practice, they finally came to a motionless stand-still in exactly the same place they started.

"Cool..." Hot Rod whispered. He was the only one irreverent enough to break the silence. Magnus was reliving some of his gladiator days. He had learned then to quickly analyze an opponent's skill through their movements, and had to admit he was impressed, and a bit jealous of the way Rodimus handled his body so naturally. Marissa was thinking again about Snake Eyes, and trying to imagine an Autobot moving that way. The potential of it left her breathless.

Rodimus turned toward them and smiled. Lancer only nodded at them, and went back to practicing. Keeping herself in shape was a more serious matter for her than for Rodimus. The practice was good for his skills, but his body didn't really require the work out. His robotic nature was enough to keep him in shape. Her body, however, needed the exercise or she lost strength and flexibility very fast, especially wherever she'd been injured. She needed to keep the scar tissue pliable or she was prone to straining or tearing the surrounding muscle. She didn't really like doing this in front of an audience, but there was no where else to practice, and they had put if off for days already. What looked fluid to the gawkers felt very stiff and stilted to her.

"Morning guys," Rodimus said, "out to watch the morning aerobics? Hot Rod, shut your mouth, you make us look silly." He smiled, and gave Magnus and Marissa a questioning look. Marissa smiled, and Magnus gave him a slight nod. They were fine.

"W...what are you doing?" Arcee asked.

"Practicing. We normally do it daily, unless there's a fight, in which case we get more practice than we'd like." His tone was light, but there was something cold at the back of his eyes. "We just haven't been up to it the last few days. That teleport nearly did us in."

"That's fighting?" Springer asked. He was a bit incredulous. Not even Magnus used moves quite like that on the battlefield, and he knew things none of the rest of them did.

"It's one kind of fighting," Rodimus answered.

"Shouldn't you warm up before attempting things like that?" Carly asked, as Lancer landed in a one-handed hand stand, and held it. Somehow, she always felt the need to mother someone when she was confused or uncomfortable.

"Errr..well, the truth is..um..this is the warm up," Rodimus muttered, putting one hand behind his head. He looked a little embarrassed.

"Cool..." Hot Rod said again.

Rodimus looked a little sharply at his twin. "Every one of those moves has the potential to kill someone, Hot Rod. That's their only real use, and it isn't, well, let's just say there's a part of me that wishes I wasn't so good at it. OK? I wish I was better at video games, and not quite so good at wasting real people. Do you understand?"

Hot Rod met his eyes, and saw something old and sad in them. He didn't really understand, but he saw enough to realize he didn't want to. Magnus, understanding only too well, decided he had far, far too much in common with his nephew's alternate, and once again vowed he would never have that much in common with his nephew. Foul Play shook her head. She didn't understand this exchange at all. She flinched back a little when she noticed Rodimus was watching her.

Lancer stopped suddenly, and came over to join them. Rodimus looked a little surprised.

"That's enough for now," she said. They are too entranced. Besides, my shoulder hurts, she sent. I guess I'm getting old.

I guess we'll have to take you out and shoot you, Rodimus sent back. On another level, he projected his unhappiness that she always felt the need to remind him of her mortality. Her response was the mental equivalent of "Tough shit!"

Rodimus sighed aloud, and then caught Marissa watching him curiously.

"I wouldn't worry too much about Hot Rod!" Springer said. "Video games is all he ever will be good at." He grabbed the younger 'bot by the head and affectionately nuggied his scalp. Muffled protests emerged from Springer's armpit. Unfortunately, Springer didn't get hold of Hot Rod before Lancer caught the boy's swiftly hidden, hurt expression. She was used to dealing with Rodimus, so Hot Rod didn't have a prayer of pretending he wasn't bothered by Springer's teasing. Rodimus sensed her anger and tried to distract her, with marginal success.

Come on, let's spar. We're warmed up and we've neglected it long enough. I'll help you with your shoulder later.

Lancer hesitated. I know how much that bothers you... she sent.

I'll live, Rodimus said. Let's go.

OK...I guess. She glared at Springer, and a little at Magnus and Arcee. They weren't exactly participating, but they weren't discouraging Springer either. Arcee noticed her look, but dismissed it without too much thought. She couldn't see any reason for Lancer to be all that upset. By the time Lancer and Rodimus had out their swords, and gone through their first few Kata, no one was worrying about Hot Rod anyway. By the time they were done sparring, Carly (her slippers now entirely soaked through) was wondering where she could hide all of her knives. Magnus was impressed (and amused) by the fact that they were really testing each other, not just pretending to cross swords. There were several really near misses. They used more than just their swords too. Feet, knees, elbows, and even skulls were employed - painfully. They were airborne so often it was more like watching jets dog-fight than a sword-match, except for all the tumbling on the ground. The swords clashed so hard they threw sparks. Even Marissa was flinching at their...enthusiasm, a fact which got a real smile out of Magnus. For once Marissa wasn't glad to see him smile.

The bout ended when Lancer somehow got her body to twist in the air and clamped her knees around Rodi's neck. She took him to the ground and embedded her sword in the soil next to his ear.

"Your dead!" she said with a grin.

"Ahhh! A terrible fate!" Rodimus said. He was grinning as if utterly pleased to be defeated. "I'll get you next time!" He continued.

"You say that every time," Lancer said, shifting her weight so she was basically sitting on his chest. "and to the victor go the spoils." She kissed him.

By this time, Foul Play was utterly confused. She looked at the others to see what their reaction to all this was. Hot Rod seemed spellbound - she could practically see zeal steaming out of his ears. Arcee and Springer had gawked through the whole demonstration, but seemed disinterested in the display of affection which followed - apparently, they didn't think it at all strange. Marissa and Carly expressed relief no one required a trip to the hospital, at length. Spike claimed "Op owes me", even though it really didn't apply here. Magnus grinned, enjoying himself immensely and this REALLY confused Foul Play. After all this time of open suspicion towards these mysterious people, he was seeing them use obviously deadly skills and he was happy about it?

The Decepticon shook her head, causing her black hair to ripple and catching Hot Rod's eye in spite of the show. No one else thought it odd that two people who claimed such intense affection for each other could play such dangerous games, battle and even slightly injure each other, and then go about kissing as if nothing had happened. When Lancer and Rodi got up, they even went about sympathizing over the other's bruises, laughing the whole time.

Foul Play was at a total loss. What she did understand, as she watched Hot Rod practically bouncing his way over to his twin, was that she appreciated the skills she'd seen, and wanted to learn them also. She went over and stood quietly behind Hot Rod to listen in on what they were telling him.

"It's not going to be easy, Hot Rod," Lancer cautioned.

"That's true kid," Rodimus said, "at home, if anyone gives me the slightest hint of a hard time, all I have to say is that I'm enrolling their insubordinate butt in Lancer's next course. I have very well behaved troops these days." He grinned evilly. If anything, this increased Hot Rod's eagerness.

"What about you, Foul Play? Do you want to join in? It will be easier with two students anyway," Lancer asked. As she did, she noticed Foul Play throw Hot Rod a furtive glance, and had a sudden intuition into the Decepticon's interests.

Lancer was delighted, but realized that her own presence might abort any chances that Foul Play's attraction might turn into anything more substantial. Rodimus, noting how carefully Foul Play was now not looking at Hot Rod, agreed with Lancer's assessment. He felt a sort of amused pride in Lancer as she immediately latched onto solving this "problem" with incredible enthusiasm. He also felt a little sorry for Hot Rod and Foul Play, they'd never know what hit them. Lancer hoped she didn't sound too pleased about the prospect. She didn't want Foul Play suspecting there were very ulterior motives on Lancer's part. Rodimus felt his mate's delighted emotions when Foul Play nervously expressed interest. Lancer was all but rubbing her hands together in glee. The poor kids.

Hot Rod grinned at Foul Play without the slightest hint of reservation. "Come on, Foul Play! This'll be great!"

Foul Play shrugged. She was still a little nervous around Lancer, but she was determined to give it a try. She was still feeling very vulnerable, and had a half-formed idea that these skills would help protect her when she finally got home. She was glad that neither Lancer nor Hot Rod seemed to be thinking of her in terms of an enemy who might one day turn theses skills on them. Foul Play startled herself. She suddenly realized she wasn't thinking in those terms either...she was thinking of them more as a defense from her fellow Decepticons. It was a nasty shock she mulled over even as she agreed to meet with Lancer and Hot Rod early the next day.

X

X

X

Breakfast, long delayed but never forgotten, was finished before Rodimus and Lancer got done with their shower. Foul Play watched them out of the corner of her eye.

The first thing Marissa did when Rodi made his appearance downstairs was grab him in a crushing hug. Foul Play was stunned and looked to see if Magnus was looking jealous. No...instead he seemed to understand. He started to say something to Rodi, paused, tried again, and paused again.

Rodimus grinned. "You're welcome," he said with a chuckle. "I hope it helped."

"Oh, it did!" Marissa said. "The first good dream he can remember having!"

Rodimus sighed, and grimaced. "I was worried I might confuse the issue if it was the wrong name."

"It isn't...I...I just know it is right," Magnus said in a husky voice.

Lancer came down the stairs with her hair still wet and struggled to get a comb through it.

"I told you ya done good," she said, gliding up to kiss Rodi.

"Hmm...if that's the reward I get maybe I should try it more often! Here...give me that thing. I don't know why you even bother." He took the comb from her with a smile. She sat down on the couch and he stood behind her while she scanned the newspaper as she did every day. Laboriously running the comb through her hair, Rodimus hummed to himself, and it seemed to Foul Play that he combed it far longer than was necessary. Lancer all but purred. After a while, he expertly divided her hair into three thick sections, and swiftly braided it. The speed at which he worked told Foul Play his fingers were well used to the task. Marissa made some offhand remark about his trying to pull Lancer's head off because he was pulling it so tight.

Rodi laughed. "You should see what I do to her head if there's an imminent fight, Marissa! I usually end up putting my foot on her back for leverage! That's the only way we feel safe its not going to fall apart mid-combat."

"Rodi's the only one who's ever gotten it right," said Lancer.

"You two are a real case-study. I'm not sure of what yet, but I'm positive someone could base their life's work on studying this relationship!" Marissa said with a grin.

"Oh-ho! Look who's talking!" Rodimus said. "Captain Marissa Wandering-Toes Fairborne that's who!"

"Oh! You!" Marissa said, pretending to be offended.

Magnus chuckled a little, and gave Rodimus an appreciative smirk. Foul Play was astonished. Magnus rarely seemed so relaxed around their own little group. Something had passed between him and the strangers, something which had dissolved the stubborn distrust between them. How could they have accomplished that? What could they have possibly done to earn his trust after that horrible incident in the kitchen? Why was he now smiling around Rodimus instead of pulverizing him for setting off that devastating flashback? Foul Play didn't understand.

She observed as Rodimus and Magnus allied to tease Marissa until she blushed and started teasing back. Lancer made one remark in Marissa's defense, but only one. Rodimus stared at her a moment until she blushed as well. She didn't say anything after that. Foul Play watched the two new allies pick on Marissa without once hurting the woman's feelings. They didn't mean it, and Marissa knew it. She was enjoying the teasing as much as her tormentors. Foul Play sensed it would have all come to a screeching halt if either man even suspected Marissa might be hurt It was so different from Foul Play's own people. Here, it was the hurtful things that were meaningless. Among the Decepticons, one learned quickly that every compliment had a hidden edge waiting to cut you.

Rodimus finally moved his hands away from Lancer's hair, and was carefully massaging her neck and shoulder's, even as the conversation moved on to other things. Lancer winced faintly now and then, but on the whole seemed to be enjoying herself. She put the paper down and shut her eyes.

"So are you looking for a job, or are you just a news hound?" asked Marissa.

"Hey, don't tense up," Rodimus said, "I was just making progress."

"We were just....checking for something." Lancer answered Marissa quietly.

Magnus and Marissa looked at each other, apparently worried by her tone.

"What?" Magnus asked.

"Signs...evidence that the Jabez might be active here," Lancer answered them too softly for Foul Play to overhear. She could see the sudden shock on their faces though, and wondered what it meant.

"We didn't find anything," Rodimus added quickly. Foul Play did hear him, but didn't know what he was referring to. She knew intense relief when she saw it however. Magnus and Marissa showed it, and so did Lancer when Rodimus suddenly pressed her left shoulder up and forward. There was a sharp, audible *pop*, and Lancer hissed through her pain, but only for an instant. She relaxed with a relieved sigh, and casually reached up to caress Rodi's hands as they continued to work her shoulders.

"Ewww," Marissa said. "That sounded like it hurt!"

"We all have our scars," Lancer said with a touch of irony. "Mine just come with a nasty snap." She smiled, and shrugged her right shoulder. Rodimus looked down at her affectionately, and kept working her muscles gently. Foul Play wondered what it felt like. Finally, she got sick of watching in confusion and left the house, seething with feelings she had no names for. Her retreat, fleeting as it was, did not go unnoticed by any of the those she'd been listening to.

Lunch involved slightly more than the usual uproar. Spike's purchase of strong dill pickles provided his video camera with plenty of ridiculous expressions for the future embarrassment of his charges. Lancer floored the humans by drinking the juice out of the empty jar. When Hot Rod innocently asked her for a taste, Lancer handed him the jar with a sly smile. She quietly slipped out of the way, and gave Spike a wink. He had the camera ready when Hot Rod took a huge drink like he was accustomed to doing with soda. The twisted face he made had the table in tears, except for Rodimus who just looked at his twin and shook his head.

X

X

X

Practice the next day was fun for Hot Rod...for about ten minutes. Lancer had already decided to start her two vict...er... students off on an even more basic level than she started the Autobots at home.

She started by asking each of them to attack her in any way they wanted. They both were timid about it at first until they realized she would just block them nearly effortlessly. Hot Rod's attempts reminded Lancer of almost every Autobot student she tested the same way at home. She could see his potential for speed, but his strength was underdeveloped and his coordination wasn't even a match for Rodimus' after he'd been tortured.

Foul Play's tactics and weaknesses were disgustingly similar.

Lancer sighed to herself. She ended both tests as she always did, with a quick move that landed her students on their back-sides. The problem with their coordination needed to be addressed before they could learn fighting tactics, much to Hot Rod's intense frustration. Not to mention exhaustion. Five minutes of holding some of the stances Lancer was teaching them for balance had his muscles trembling with fatigue. A quick glance at Foul Play showed similar strain in her strong, slender body. She was sweating, and looked a little miffed that Lancer made her tie her hair back.

"Don't worry about it," Hot Rod comforted. "It looks pretty good that way." Foul Play glared daggers at him, and he was glad she didn't have a blaster handy. He was confused by her response, but that was typical, and he didn't worry too much about it. He did start to worry when Lancer unexpectedly knocked him down.

"Wha...?!" he said, taken completely off guard.

"You aren't paying attention!" Lancer snapped, "and that's something any enemy with half a brain will take advantage of! Quit gaping at Foul Play and get your mind on business!" Lancer snarled.

Foul Play looked at Hot Rod sharply. Gaping at her? Lancer knocked her over immediately.

"You know I'm never going to be able to teach you two if you are going to keep flirting with each other the whole time!" Lancer's voice was the epitome` of annoyance. Hot Rod and Foul Play looked at her in complete amazement. Neither had any idea what she was talking about, but neither thought to challenge her. They were both too busy wondering if she was noticing something about the other they had missed. Rodimus, watching from the sidelines, shook his head. It was never easy to watch someone so badly outmatched at the complete mercy of an unscrupulous foe. Poor kids. They didn't even realize they needed to be on guard.

He sighed aloud as he watched his determined mate educating them on two fronts. She worked on their balance as she often did on her trainees at home. The only difference was that here she made sure that when her students fell, they fell towards each other. Which led to the other part of the lesson... By the end of the morning even Foul Play was evidently starting to learn. She had started off screaming curses at Hot Rod every time they got tangled up. By mid-morning she had given up the curses, and by noon Rodimus was sure not all of the sweat was due to exertion. He also noticed that the collisions were taking longer and longer to sort out. Lancer was simply delighted, especially when they quit whining about the pain she was inflicting on them. They simply weren't feeling it anymore.

Springer, watching from the sidelines, thought the repeated collisions were completely hilarious. He sat in the grass and hooted insults at both of them, particularly Hot Rod. Hot Rod was too preoccupied with Foul Play to really pay Springer any attention, but Lancer wasn't. She put up with it for about an hour, (a show of considerable restraint on her part) because Rodimus kept insisting she might do more harm then good. When her patience broke, however, it broke completely.

"OK, TOUGH GUY! LET'S SEE HOW MUCH YOU KNOW!!" she roared, taking Springer and her students completely by surprise. Her voice sounded strange and guttural to them, although only Rodimus knew it was the first sign of her demonic attributes manifesting. He took a step towards her, and got a wave of angry denial. She wasn't completely out of control, but she was angry, and she was going to put a stop to this. Rodimus relented a little, sensing underneath her anger how important this was to her, and how hurt she was he wouldn't stand up for "himself". Besides, he knew interference would only make her dangerously angrier.

Springer looked around in surprise. He couldn't believe how furious she seemed all of a sudden. She stormed up to him and told him he'd better get off his ass before she kicked it for him. He glared, insulted, but still not really angry.

"Lancer, what's your prob..."

"My problem is conceited jerks insulting my students when they don't even have the balls to try learning themselves! Hot Rod has better balance than you do, you blundering Neanderthal! You make Sludge look like a fucking ballerina! Come on twinkle toes! Put your money where your big, fat mouth is and try me! I'll bet you don't get a hit in before I put your incompetent, cowardly butt back on the ground!"

"OK, you stupid..." Springer never got around to finishing what he had to say. The very second he was on his feet, Lancer knocked him down. He didn't even know how she did it. Then he really got angry. He surged up, looming over her with his chest out and glaring - never once considering that her first hit wasn't a fluke. He towered over her by almost a foot, and was more than double her weight. There was no possible way she could do it again now that he was ready for her.

He blinked. The pain in his tail-bone informed him he had underestimated her.

Rodimus pressed his fingertips on either side of his nose. He couldn't watch his mate throw her weight around like that...or rather, throw Springer's weight around like that. She cruelly insulted Springer's training, courage, and intelligence. She blocked or avoided his counter-attacks so easily that it was demeaning. She danced around him, laughing at his frustration and let him swing at her just long enough to get really wound up before she put him on the ground again. By the time Magnus, Marissa and the others joined Hot Rod and Foul Play in gaping in horror, Lancer was blatantly telling Springer exactly what she planned to do next. His efforts to stop her proved no more successful than before, even though he knew what was coming. He was trembling, and nearly in tears from pure emotional overload. He was angry and humiliated, and he couldn't seem to stop it.

Magnus was gearing up for a volcanic explosion when Lancer suddenly stopped. She sent Springer into one more bone-jarring fall and put her knee across his throat. "Now," she whispered to him alone, "you know how it feels to be humiliated by someone who knows more than you through no fault of your own. How does it feel? Do you respect me for using my knowledge against you this way? Are you embarrassed for not knowing how to fight me...something that you can't possibly know? Think about that feeling the next time you pick on Hot Rod, and remember that, unlike you, the bruises are not on his ass. They're a little deeper."

"Gaak", Springer said. He could hardly breath around the weight of her knee. She got off him, the look on her face so angry and cold that she looked like a different person. She didn't move to help him up, but Arcee was at his side and glaring at Lancer as she helped him to his feet. Springer sat up slowly, wincing. His body mass had only served to bruise him more deeply. Lancer's set face glared back at Arcee, and the young Autobot shivered and decided not to confront her, although she wanted too.

Magnus had no such qualms. He glared from Lancer to Rodimus, who he felt could have stopped this, and when Lancer stalked off, he followed. Marissa went to help Arcee with Springer. Lancer rounded the house and put her head against the wall. She heard Magnus coming, but was more preoccupied with fighting down her demon so that it didn't explode all over him in the coming confrontation. Rodimus followed Magnus silently, resigning himself to what was next.

Continued in Part G.


	7. Chapter 7

Maelstrom Chapter 30  
Conversations in a Kitchen: Chapter 1 Part G

Author's note: This story is part of a LONG series called Maelstrom. It is strictly Gen. 1 - sorry, but that was all that was out when I started writing back in the late 1980's. It began as a fan-publication so the first chapters are in the form of a comic book! If you have not read the nine original **Maelstrom Comics** and the preceding text stories, I strongly suggest you do. This is a complex universe. They can be found at http// illmatar. deviantart. com (I have put double spaces between the URL here or FF . Net eats the link.) The comics and art which accompanies this series are there...and believe me I am a better artist than writer.

**Most chapters of this series contain strong language and violence. Rated M for adult themes! Really! Transformers characters belong to Hasbro. Critiques adored! This scene contains strong language, violence, and sex. Rated M for adult themes! **

**  
Transformers characters belong to Hasbro. Story and OC characters are mine. Critiques adored!  
**

Conversations in a Kitchen - Chapter 1  
Part G

Continued from Part F!

"What the hell was that about?!" Magnus growled. He kept his voice under tight control. He didn't want to break any windows.

Lancer turned her eyes sideways and fought to keep the energy from turning them white. She was livid. "It's about abuse you asshole. Abuse you've let go on too long."

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"You know how worthless the Quints made you feel? Well, at least you can honestly tell yourself they were the creeps. Just think about how deep it goes when your abuser is someone you love and respect instead of someone you rightfully hate."

Magnus blinked at her, his anger now swirled with confusion.

"Lancer," Rodimus said, "it's not that big of a deal...."

"You shut up! You are in no position to judge! You don't even feel it when someone blows a hole in your body, so I don't know what possessed me to think you'd feel it when someone puts down your twin!"

"Hot Rod? What's the matter with Hot Rod?" Magnus asked. "He's fine! No one's abusing him! No one would dare!"

"You dare!" Lancer averred . She stopped herself, her breath growling raggedly in and out. Rodimus put a hand on her arm to calm her and she wrenched away, glaring at him. He dropped his hand.

"Lancer, it's OK." he whispered, unable to get at her mind. She was shielding furiously.

"It is not OK! Do you want him to end up like you? No survival instinct? No internal reasons for living? Still, after all this time, taking pain for granted because you think you deserve it?" She shoved Rodimus away from her, and Magnus looked from one to the other in pure confusion and dawning concern.

"Tell me Rodimus Prime, Autobot Commander, do you think you are a better leader for this attitude? Do you really think that a leader who lingers on the edge of a permanent death-wish is really what's best for the fucking Autobots? Or do you just think that because you went through it that naturally Hot Rod does too! The Jabez don't seem to exist here...should I arrange for a torture chamber too while we're at it?"

Rodimus said nothing, but looked at his mate sadly.

"Will someone please tell me what in Cybertron's name you are talking about?" Magnus cried. He wished they would look at him instead of just staring at each other. Rodimus suddenly sighed, and lowered his eyes in a defeated gesture.

"I'm not telling him," Rodimus said. "You do it if you want to, but I don't think it's necessary."

Lancer nodded, and seemed to soften a little towards her mate. Not towards Magnus though, and the city commander was once again struck by how fearlessly she challenged him. He wasn't used to it.

"We are talking about Hot Rod. We are talking about the way you all speak to him!" she growled. "Especially Springer! Do you listen to what is said to him? Did you ever think about the consequences?"

"Springer isn't serious! He just joking! He does it to everyone!"

"Everyone isn't as young as Hot Rod! Everyone also occasionally hears other things like compliments and words of support. Since we've been here I haven't heard anything but teasing and criticism aimed Hot Rod's way and whether you realize it or not, HE'S BELIEVING it!"

"He knows Springer's just teasing!"

"Does he? Does he really? If you tell a child something enough times they believe it no matter how it's said! Especially when they don't hear anything to counter it! He's got no emotional foundation Magnus! He doesn't even have the solid start which got you through the camps! You ended up a mess, but at least you had enough love and support in the beginning to make your life seem worth fighting for! All Hot Rod has is put downs! And he doesn't think his life is worth much because he doesn't think he's worth much! He doesn't even think he's capable of learning to tie his shoes! So he doesn't try!"

"He's not that bad off, Lancer." Rodimus said. "He's not in the same circumstances that I was either."

"OH. So we should just sit around until it gets that bad, should we? It only took Galvatron ripping yours circuits open with your tacit permission to wake your friends up! Maybe we should send for him and see what Hot Rod decides to do!"

"What?" Magnus shouted.

Rodimus wouldn't meet his eyes, "It's a long story."

"You don't have to tell him all of it! Just tell him the punch line!" Lancer hissed. She waited, but her mate just glared at her. "Fine. I'll tell him! Let me put it to you this way Magnus, there was a point in Rodi's life when never-ending criticism sank his self- esteem to the point he thought the Autobots would be better off if he was dead. Granted, he waited for an excuse, but when Galvatron...that's Megatron by the way... had Rodi's circuits, Mighty Autobot here wasn't too upset about it. In fact, he didn't struggle. In fact, he smiled while Galvatron pulled circuits out of his chest one at a time. This, by the way, was long before the Jabez had their slimy hands on him."

Magnus gawked at Rodimus who shook his head. "She makes it sound worse than it was, they had a hostage and..."

"And shut up! You didn't want to talk about it remember? You SMILED! You were relieved! When the others got there to help you fought them! Not Galvatron! You told them it wasn't worth the effort, but what you meant was that YOU weren't worth the effort! Look at him Magnus! He still won't admit there's anything wrong, because that would mean laying blame on his precious friends. He's responsible for everything, don't ya know. He only expects himself to be perfect."

"And this was because of a little teasing?"

"NO! It was from constant, day-in, day-out messages of failure and inadequacy, with nothing else. Constructive criticism is one thing. Non-stop harassment over things that can't be changed is abuse! Criticism is supposed to help you improve. Springer isn't helping Hot Rod anything, he's just putting him down every chance he gets. Hot Rod is young and resilient, but the day will come when he gets put down and stays down! Rodimus here thinks it's his lot in life to be in pain. He'll die to keep anyone else from getting scratched, but he won't even consider the fact that someone might have done wrong hurting his feelings."

Magnus stared at Rodimus, but he was thinking about his nephew.

"Magnus, when an enemy insults you, you ignore it. When a friend, an equal, insults you get even or angry. Hot Rod doesn't think of himself as equal to you and Springer, though. He looks up to both of you, he respects what you say. When an authority figure tells a child they're stupid, the child believes it, especially if the child trusts that adult's honesty and judgment. Springer isn't a Quint. He doesn't go around lying, cheating, and abusing people for no reason. Therefore, Hot Rod is assuming, not illogically, that Springer has a good reason to say what he says. He also figures that since you don't ever disagree with what Springer says, that you must therefore agree, as does everyone else within earshot. In Hot Rod's mind, there's a whole houseful of people here who think he's too stupid to tie his shoes, and who is he to argue?"

Magnus blinked, and thought about it. "I never realized...." he muttered. He looked sharply back at Rodimus. "Did you really smile?"

Rodimus sighed, and pressed his fingers between his eyes. Then he glared at his unrepentant mate. He didn't seem in any hurry to answer.

"Did you?" Magnus prodded.

"Yes, OK?! I still don't think it really applies here, but yes!" he glared at Magnus, angered at being forced to admit it. "It wasn't the same thing at all."

Lancer threw up her hands.

"Things will change," Magnus told her. "I promise. You are right. We can't have anyone with officer's potential running around with these...scars. I don't like seeing anyone wipe the floor with my people like that either! Besides, silly as he is, my nephew really doesn't deserve it."

"Your what?" Rodimus said.

"Huh?"

" N..NN. .Nephew?!" Lancer stammered.

"You didn't know Hot Rod is my nephew?" Magnus said. He watched the two of them double over laughing. "Guess not," he finished to himself, since there was no possible way they could hear him. He considered getting the hose to help calm them down, but decided that laughter-cramps were the least they deserved for the trouble with Springer. He left them there, and went to find Springer and Arcee. It was time for a change in strategy.

X

X

X

It took a few hours for Lancer and Rodimus to be able to look at Ultra Magnus without losing control again, and he ignored their strangled chuckles with regal disdain. Such behavior was beneath his notice of course, at least when any of the others were looking. However, in the name of experimentation, he did, on a few occasions, turn to Rodimus or Lancer and whisper "Uncle".....just to see if it would have the same effect. He then shrugged innocently at Marissa who watched the two guests cackling with a bemused smile. She quirked an eyebrow at him suspiciously, and then smiled to herself. He had the distinct impression she was on to him.

Springer and Arcee had listened to Magnus retell Rodimus' story with shocked disbelief. Neither of them could picture bouncy little Hot Rod in such a state. Understanding Lancer's actions better didn't entirely erase Springer's anger at her but Magnus was proud to see him really thinking about his treatment of Hot Rod, instead of just focusing on Lancer's "lesson". An awkward apology to Hot Rod left the youngest Autobot obviously confused since he didn't think twice about such teasing. That, more than anything, convinced Magnus that Lancer had been only too right. It seemed to make the same impression on Springer, and he apologized again more sincerely. Hot Rod just grinned and shrugged it off, having absolutely no idea what was going on.

Springer threw Lancer a look which said "There. Happy now?" She gave him a slight smile in answer but they kept their distance from each other for the rest of the day. Spike and Carly were once again just glad no one ended up in the hospital, although Springer whined about his bruises. Of course, so did Hot Rod and Foul Play. Magnus noted to himself that in spite of Lancer's rage, she hadn't really hurt Springer more than her trainees; she'd just done it in a more concentrated time period.

Strangely, the worst tension seemed to be between Lancer and Rodimus (at least when they weren't laughing over the whole "uncle" thing). After dinner they went back to work on their teleporter. As usual, they were mostly silent, but there was a lot of tool slamming, angry looks, and unexplained gestures that would have been funny if they hadn't been so enraged and so bizarre. Marissa was really the only one who really noticed because she was looking for it, and they stopped whenever someone came into the room. She did, however, point it out to Magnus.

"Am I crazy, or does it look like they're having an argument?" she asked.

"You're crazy," he said flatly, "but it does look like they're arguing. I know they disagreed on this business with Hot Rod, but this is very weird."

"Yes, it is. It's not the first time I've noticed them at this either. I can't figure it out."

"Do you think they're right?"

"Do I think they're all right? I don't know, maybe they're crazy," Marissa said with a smile.

"No," Magnus said, looking disgusted; and worried, "Do you think they're right about Hot Rod?"

Marissa looked at him seriously, nodded, and touched his face. "Don't look so down about it Big Guy. He's OK. I was planning on saying something eventually, but I wasn't sure how to approach it. " She smiled a little sadly at him, and looked into his eyes. "I had more pressing things to worry about. I certainly wasn't ready to beat up Springer over it. Maybe a mild spanking, but not an all out beating."

"But you think she had a point?"

Marissa sighed. "Yes, although she could have found a better way to make it."

Magnus grimaced. "I'm as bad as the Quints."

Marissa hit him. "Don't be ridiculous. You didn't know, and now that you do, you'll fix it! For pity's sake, you're just getting your own head together, you can't be expected to know what's going on in Hot Rod's! Just try to remember to keep an eye on him now and then."

"That's the plan," Magnus rumbled. He was determined his nephew would have the childhood he'd missed, and that Hot Rod would not ever wear the haunted look that lurked in Rodimus' eyes even when he was laughing.

Meanwhile, in the kitchen, their odd guests seemed to be gearing up their silent fight. Lancer seemed actually distraught or enraged or something. She stood glaring at her mate, but her entire body was rigid and trembling. She shook a fist at Rodimus who shook his head sharply. Marissa's curiosity got the best of her; she exchanged a look with Magnus and headed closer to the kitchen.

"What the hell are you two doing?" she asked, cheerfully enough. Two heads rotated like gun turrets to aim their eyes at her and Magnus. They still said nothing, but the acidic stares triggered all of Magnus' instinctive danger alarms. Rodi's eyes had gone icy green, and Magnus had known Sharkticons with friendlier expressions. "Psychotic Hot Rod" the city commander thought with a shudder. Lancer's expression was even worse.

"Nevermind," he said, grabbing Marissa by the arm and steering her out of the room. She tried to pull away, but only succeeded in embarrassing herself for even trying.

"Magnus! What is your problem?!" she snapped.

"I thought I might like to live till morning, so I decided this wait a while."

"Oh it's not that bad!"

"Trust me. It is. Look, I'm going to find Hot Rod, are you with me?" Magnus said.

"No," she stated, going off in a huff. He sighed and went to look for his nephew.

Magnus found Hot Rod playing video games with Foul Play. They were having too much fun competing against each other to notice him right away. Magnus smiled. He never thought he would find a Decepticon's curses of "Stupid Autobot! I'll get you next time!" so funny. The smile faded a little when he noticed the grass stains around his nephews ankles. When was the last time he'd seen Hot Rod attempt to tie his shoes? Weeks ago certainly, and the boy had taken to wearing sandals whenever they left the house.

"Hot Rod, I need to talk to you," Magnus said. Hot Rod looked a little annoyed because Foul Play laughed.

"I win by default!" she cried gleefully. Hot Rod stuck his tongue out at her, and stood. Then he froze. The look on his face alarmed Magnus greatly.

"What's the matter?"

"I'm in pain...." Hot Rod said in a very small voice.

"What? Why?"

"I don't know...I can't move. My legs hurt, my arms hurt, my back hurts, everything hurts...."

Foul Play looked up at him, and Magnus could have sworn she was concerned. She put the game on pause and stood up herself. The look on her face mirrored Hot Rod's so precisely Magnus laughed. "Ouch," she managed.

"I think your education is finally starting to sink in!" Magnus said a little smugly. Having been run over by the boy's father, Magnus wasn't feeling too sorry for them. He motioned for Hot Rod to follow him upstairs. Hot Rod grimaced at every step on the way up. He was a little confused when Magnus took him to his own bedroom until his uncle got the dreaded shoes out of the closet. The look on Hot Rod's face actually did earn him some sympathy.

"Do we have to?" he asked, not feeling very hopeful. He knew Magnus wasn't one to back off just because someone else didn't want to go along with him.

"Yes. We're going to do this until you get it right," Magnus said firmly. "Don't worry. I'll help you."

Hot Rod hung his head, and swallowed. He glared at the shoes from under his eyelashes, hating them for being such a pain. True, he hadn't tried more than a few times, but he'd made such a mess of them that he never wanted to try again. That frustration coupled with Springer's ridicule had made this into a real phobia for him; however he knew better than to directly challenge his uncle when he had that commander tone in his voice.

The following hour was one of the most frustrating either of them had ever spent. Hot Rod's preconceived notion that he couldn't learn this proved the biggest hurdle because he was concentrating more on that than on the laces. For his part, Magnus knew the boy had better coordination than any of them, and that made the entire process all the more aggravating. There were plenty of moments when he wanted to just shout and order Hot Rod to do it right already, but he remembered some things Marissa had once told him about "learned helplessness". He managed to bite back on his anger since he knew that it would only make things worse. It didn't stop him from wishing he could strangle Hot Rod now and then. There were a couple of times when Hot Rod made a complete tangle out of things that Magnus saw the boy actually flinch away from him, as if expecting to be screamed at. He actually looked confused when Magnus didn't yell at him, just sighed deeply, and helped him get the knots out to start over. Somehow, the fact that Hot Rod expected Magnus to scold him bothered the older Autobot more than anything else. It got even worse when Hot Rod approached tears of frustration a couple of times and said "I can't!"

"Don't be ridiculous!" Magnus said, and then smiled at himself for using Marissa's phrasing. "Of course you can! You're in my First Division and you think you can't tie your shoes? You insult your unit and me! Start over, and pay attention to what you're doing."

Hot Rod blinked in surprise, and tried again. Somewhere along the way, he started concentrating more on his uncle's odd behavior than on his assumed incompetence, and started making progress. Finally he could make it through without a snarl every time. He was still making mistakes, but he was correcting them laboriously on his own. It took a lot of concentration, and he didn't quite have the motions down to the point he was smooth at it, but at least he could honestly say he'd done it. Finally Magnus was confident Hot Rod wouldn't forget, and when Magnus called it quits they both heaved an enormous sigh of relief.

Hot Rod stood up, and looked at his feet suspiciously, as if waiting for something arcane to occur with the laces just because he was now trying to move. When they made no attempt to suddenly untie, or wrap themselves around his ankles, he grinned and gave his uncle another impulsive hug.

"Thanks!" he cried, and scurried off out of the room and down the stairs, leaving Magnus a little surprised, and emotionally wrung. He shook his head, and decided to try and find Marissa. He figured she owed him an apology, but suspected he would be the one who ended up asking forgiveness.

He went downstairs, and passed the kitchen, where Lancer and Rodimus were going on with their "argument". On his way through the living room he saw something which made him stop and stare for a long, long moment. Various emotions passed through him. Disbelief. Disgust. Extreme anger. He finally decided he really must be getting better, because he stopped on amusement. Having finally taught Hot Rod to tie his shoes, didn't mean he had taught him to like having them on. There they were, in a heap on the living room floor while his nephew was surely gleefully running around barefoot somewhere outside. Magnus also quickly realized that having taught Hot Rod to tie his shoes, they now needed to work on having him untie them when he took them off. Magnus shook his head and chuckled.

"One of these days I'm gonna kill that boy..." he smiled to himself. He let this odd state of mind carry him right through his apology to Marissa, and counted himself well rewarded when more than her toes wandered soon after.

X

X

X

The next morning saw most of the household up according to schedule. Lancer and Rodimus were up practicing before dawn, and at work on their teleporter by the time Magnus and Marissa strolled down around 6:30. The guests seemed to have settled their differences, and Marissa was gearing up for some probing questions when Carly came down with the baby. Rodimus helped Carly get her breakfast by feeding Daniel his, saying that his glass of juice made the task easier than Carly's bagel. Marissa decided to wait for a better opportunity, much to Magnus' relief. Spike, Springer and Arcee came down for breakfast. It took a while before anyone noticed Hot Rod and Foul Play were later than usual. Magnus finally frowned at his nephew's empty seat, and was starting to get up to go find him when they heard footsteps on the stairs.

He sank back down into his seat, but the frown remained. The feet on the stairs did not sound like Hot Rod's usual headlong rush or Foul Play's typical stampede. These feet were moving with infinite care. When Foul Play finally appeared in the doorway she leaned on it a moment before going to her seat. She waddled over to her chair, and sank into it with a sigh of relief. Lancer smiled to herself, and sipped her coffee.

"Where's Hot Rod?" Arcee wanted to know.

"Still coming down the stairs," Foul Play said. "We started off leaning on each other, but he said he couldn't keep up."

"Uh-huh.." said Rodimus. He had his suspicions about that. "Open up Dan-o. Smushed peaches is not fashionable this time of year." Lancer smiled, and sipped more of her coffee.

"What's the matter with you two?" Springer asked.

"They're just suffering from what Jazz calls the 'Lancer Blues' in our dimension. That's short for the 'Lancer Black and Blues'. It's a malady commonly found in new trainees...in older ones too for that matter," Rodimus answered him, although he never took his eyes off Daniel. He made faces at the baby who giggled and got another mouthful of peaches shoved in as a result. Carly ate her bagel and looked delighted.

"I can relate," Springer said. He was feeling a bit banged up too.

"Don't make it sound like you're immune Rodimus." Lancer said, looking at him slyly over the rim of her coffee cup.

"Lancer, my love, I often contract this problem when I'm alone with you whether we are practicing or not! I have the most severe and persistent case of all!" Rodimus said with a smirk. Lancer hit him. "See?" he said.

"They haven't seen anything yet," Lancer said with a threatening growl. Rodimus gave her a smile with entirely too many teeth in it.

"If she beats up on you why do you like her?" Hot Rod asked bluntly as he came in. He had a moment of panic when he realized how that sounded and wished he had better control over his mouth. The way Lancer smiled at him did nothing to ease his fears.

"Ah, but you see kid, Lancer is one of the few things in my life I can count on to never, ever be boring." Rodimus said with a self-satisfied smile. "Besides, the saying around home is that the more she beats you up, the more she likes you, and she beats on me the most." He pulled himself up proudly. Lancer rolled her eyes, and smiled.

"That's just because you're a slow learner," she said. Turning to Hot Rod and Foul Play, she smiled and asked,"Are you two ready for your next lesson?"

Hot Rod gawked at her. He could hardly move! She couldn't possibly be serious! Foul Play just gripped the edge of the table and nodded grimly, startling Hot Rod more. She acted resigned, as if she had expected this while Hot Rod was still thinking this was some kind of cruel joke. Foul Play ate her Fruit Loops grimly, knowing she would need the energy.

"Hurry up and eat kid," Rodimus said, "Lancer will have you out there whether you're hungry or not." Lancer gave her mate a disgusted look. "Well," Rodimus said, "You wanted me to help him, so I'm helping him. If you wanted him to learn the hard way, you should have let me know."

Lancer glared at him, and then threw up her hands at his silly smile. Hot Rod looked from one to the other and started shoveling food down his gullet as fast as he could. He stared at Lancer almost defiantly as he did. She smiled evilly at him.

"Well, never mind," she said, supposedly to Rodimus, although she was still looking at Hot Rod, "There are plenty of other ways for me to teach him. He's young and open-minded, unlike you were when I met you."

"Hey! At least I wasn't completely young and silly." Rodimus said defensively.

"Oh no! You were old, stubborn, and silly." Lancer grinned, "Maybe I should trade you in on a newer model!" She batted her eyes flirtatiously at Hot Rod, who gawked at her cluelessly. There were a few smothered chortles from around the table, although Foul Play looked a little miffed.

"Now look!" Rodimus said, slamming down his juice and spilling it slightly.

"No..." Lancer interrupted thoughtfully, "I'd just end up with another flaming Winnebago. I'd better trade you in on something useful... like a minivan. Hmm..."

"I am not a Winnebego!" Rodimus roared in outrage, surging to him feet, although his eyes had a suspicious twinkle in them.

There was an utterly unfamiliar sound, and a loud thump which was easier to identify because it immediately followed Magnus head hitting the table.

Spike felt a brief but intense moment of panic, thinking Magnus was having some kind of seizure or another flash-back. The horrendous noise coming out of Magnus' throat seemed completely alien, and it was strangled as though Magnus himself didn't want it to escape. They all stood abruptly to see what was happening to him. Most of the table was struck dumb, Lancer looked smug, and Marissa looked delighted once the noise was classified as an uncontrolled laughing fit on the part of the Autobot's most infamous straight man. The rest of the group was so astounded they couldn't even smile until Hot Rod's distressed little voice said "Winnebago?"

Magnus convulsed and screamed with laughter. (The neighbors once again wondered if they should be calling the police. They didn't know what they were hearing, but it didn't sound right.) This time, no one else could resist joining him, although Hot Rod didn't really think it was funny, and Rodimus was laughing at old memories, not the Winnebago gag (which he was sick of.) Foul Play was laughing in delighted astonishment to find that Ultra Magnus wasn't nearly so intimidating when he was curled up in hysterics in his chair. The longer Magnus laughed, the more the group laughed in delirious amazement, having no better response to seeing the impossible finally happen.

By the time Magnus calmed down (it took a while, he wasn't exactly used to the task) he was in actual pain, and he gave Lancer an accusatory stare even as he wiped the tears from his eyes. She looked entirely too smug for his comfort. Glancing from Hot Rod to Rodimus, Magnus visibly had to fight to maintain his composure, and he ended up not looking at either of them. Marissa was so pleased she practically glowed - it had only been a matter of weeks since he'd learned to smile, and that had been a major breakthrough. Now he was laughing...laughing! It was wonderful, even if Springer did look like he was about to faint from shock.

"Exactly what do you mean by Flaming Winnebago?" Carly asked Lancer, innocently enough. Rodimus glared fiercely at her.

"His alternate mode. He's still got the front end of a sports car but the Matrix tacked on a trailer. It a rather...err...unique look, and naturally there are flames all over everything He's really some kind of truck, but he most closely resembles a big gaudy camper." Lancer explained matter-of-factly. A quick glance at Magnus revealed he was trembling, and white-knuckling the table. Lancer wondered how long it would be before he or the wood cracked. Lancer went on to find out. "Rodimus couldn't be any more conspicuous if we painted a big bulls-eye on him. I call it his 'Shoot Me Now' look. You can target him from orbit."

Lancer nodded to herself in satisfaction when Magnus (and Arcee and Springer) hit the table with a simultaneous thump. Yup, she thought to herself, Nailed 'em again. She smirked at her glowering mate and sent I'm two up on you now.

That's only because they've never heard these old, tired jokes before. When are you gonna get over them? Rodimus said, with some minor irritation. Not much however. He also sent both pride and amusement. They made a game about competing, but were really interested in helping Magnus heal.

When are you gonna get a paint job? Lancer rejoined.

Hmmpphh, Rodimus sent. Aloud he said, "Let's go kid," to Hot Rod and picked him up by the collar.

"Hey!" Hot Rod said. It was bad enough getting this kind of treatment from Magnus and Springer. His twin didn't need to do it too!

"You'd rather stick around for further abuse? Lancer's my mate kid! She has unparalled resources of embarrassing material at her disposal!" Rodimus said, setting Hot Rod on his feet and urging him towards the door.

"Uhh...no," Hot Rod said, giving his shuddering uncle a glance of trepidation. If Lancer could send Magnus to the floor.....A strategic retreat was suddenly a very attractive option. He followed Rodimus quickly outside, but his voice just barely carried back indoors just after the screen door shut. (Magnus was just pulling himself painfully upright. The table's joints groaned under the strain.) "Am I seriously going to look like a flaming Winnebago?"

Magnus lost any hope of control at that point.

Lancer studied him with a raised eyebrow. "If he keeps this up we are going to have to sedate him; his ears are turning purple!" she remarked calmly. "Let's go Foul Play."

"Huh? Oh... I forgot," Foul Play said, getting up from the table and following Lancer outside. The amazed Decepticon kept her eyes on her legendary enemy while he fish-tailed on the floor as long as she could; staring at him with a bemused smile even when she should have been watching where she was going. She even bruised her shoulder slightly on the doorframe, but didn't appear to notice. Ultra Magnus' laughter was simply too fascinating. Lancer snorted as she came back for Foul Play, took the Decepticon by the shoulders, and guided her the rest of the way out, leaving Marissa to deal with Magnus and his cramping stomach.

X

X

X

Rodimus was already taking Hot Rod through some of the stretches and warm-up exercises; Hot Rod was complaining about how easy his older twin made it look.

"It's like those dumb video games - it takes practice," Rodimus said, stepping back to let Lancer take over. Rodimus didn't go far though because he knew his mate intended to use him to demonstrate on - a role he was used to. They often worked together training new students. Rodimus would show up in class as often as his schedule permitted. If nothing else, his presence went a long way towards silencing the whining that often accompanied new enrollments in "The Course." New students often thought Lancer had something personal against them and that she was being unbelievably hard on them. They also suspected her of playing favorites by letting her friends (especially Rodimus) off easy.

A few moments of watching a "little practice bout...just to warm up" between Rodimus and his mate were usually enough to make fresh trainees count their blessings. Rodimus was amused to see the same results in Hot Rod and Foul Play. They started off grimacing and grumbling in pain, at least until Rodimus started off HIS stretches with a full side-ways splits and followed Lancer through the regiment which allowed them both to stand with one foot behind their necks. Springer came out of the house, took a long look at that, blanched, and went back inside, causing Foul Play to snicker quietly to herself.

When they were finished warming up, Lancer began her instruction. Hot Rod listened intently, having vowed to keep his mind fully on his teacher the night before. He felt a bit confused by the fact that most of his memories of the day before were of his fellow student, rather than his lessons and was determined not let that happen again. Less than ten minutes into the session, he began having difficulty, in spite of his honest vows. (Normally such distracted attention made Lancer angry, but in this case she was only too pleased.) He struggled with himself ( he really did want to learn) and tried hard to keep his attention on Lancer. He didn't know about her hidden agenda, or that there was more than the obvious to what she was really trying to teach him. She considered him a precocious student.

Lancer had Hot Rod and Foul Play help each other warm up - she frequently had her students training in teams. In this case, however, she went out of her way to disrupt the polite distance her pupils usually maintained whenever possible. She forced them to stand far closer than they needed to, and doing exercises which had less to do with flexibility and strength than with displaying their barely clothed bodies. There were more substantial exercises too, of course, but it wasn't ENTIRELY necessary for Hot Rod to stand in front of Foul Play when they were bending over. Rodimus mused to himself that you could tell how far the boy saw down Foul Play's top each time by how closely the resulting blush matched his hair. Lancer never missed an opportunity to encourage such a blush - not that she let Foul Play miss anything either. It wasn't entirely necessary for the Decepticon to hold Hot Rod's leg quite so close to the hip when they were stretching either.

By mid-morning Lancer had taken them through the balance regiment again, and had moved on to holds and hold breaking.

You are completely unscrupulous, Rodimus sent to his conniving mate.

So says Rodimus Prime, Autobot Commander, Keeper of the Matrix, and My Personal Tormentor whenever he's the slightest bit bored! Lancer returned primly. Aloud she said, "No Hot Rod, grab her here." She took Hot Rod's arm and shifted it higher so that it came to rest directly between Foul Play's breasts and urged his body up closer behind the slim Decepticon. Hot Rod blushed fiercely again, but was obviously at a complete loss for what to do about it.

I'm a little bored now, Rodimus sent, amongst other things. He thought to make Lancer suffer as much as his poor twin and Foul Play suffered when she left them standing like that, waiting for instructions, far, far longer than she should have. Foul Play was starting to get a rather glazed look in her eyes. When Lancer finally got around to telling them what to do, the move she showed Foul Play ended with the Decepticon straddling her "assailant's" chest. Foul Play sat there a moment, staring down at Hot Rod's flushed face with her hands braced against his muscular, sweaty chest. It was Foul Play's turn to blush.

Rodimus eventually gave up on teasing Lancer as a punishment after about an hour. She responded as well as ever, but she only used it for inspiration. At least, Rodimus noted with wry amusement, her tactics were working in the sense that her students were now going to truly heroic lengths not to fall on each other when she tested their shaky balance. After what seemed like an eternity of torment, Lancer finally let them break for lunch, and Hot Rod ran straight for the shower. There was no trace of steam on the mirrors when he was finished.

X

X

X

"HI!" Marissa said after Rodi and Lancer took their very long, very hot shower. "Conserving water again?" She had their way down the stairs to the kitchen blocked.

"Yes of course," Lancer said, matching Marissa's sarcasm exactly.

"I have a question," Marissa said.

"Forty two!" Rodimus said succinctly. Marissa blinked and resolved to make it a policy to ignore him whenever he got weird.

"What's on your mind, oh She of the Wandering Toes?" Lancer asked.

"What were you two arguing about in the kitchen the other day, and more importantly how exactly were you arguing about it?" Marissa said in a rush.

"Uh...Forty-two...?" Rodimus said, looking at Marissa oddly. "What are you talking about?" Mentally he sent to his mate, Oh brother, here we go!

I'm certainly you two were fighting, but you weren't talking. It's not the first time I've noticed that either!" Marissa said.

"Um...If you say so Marissa," Rodimus said in his best "humor the lunatic" tone.

"I know what I saw, and Magnus saw it too," Marissa said tartly. She was upset they were implying that she had been imaging things.

"Ah.." said Lancer, "You know Marissa, you and Magnus have been spending an awful lot of time with each other...Are you sure that's, you know, healthy?" Magnus, hearing this as he came up the stairs, gave Lancer a murky glare.

"I'm not imaging things!" Marissa vowed.

"OK. Fine. You caught us!" Rodi said. "In truth, we use a sophisticated system of sign language we developed for giving covert orders on the battlefield and on stealth missions. It's also good for keeping nosy EDC personnel out of personal business!"

Marissa and Magnus looked at each other, and then back at the guests in unison. Clearly, they were unconvinced.

"Try again Rodimus," Magnus growled. This was usually enough to get all the answers he hoped for...except with these two apparently.

"Nope! That's the answer. Believe it or don't!" Rodimus said, while he and Lancer grinned identical village idiot grins.

"Tell us the truth!" Magnus said in an even more dangerous tone. The matching grins didn't falter as they pushed past him down the stairs.

"I'm not giving up on this!" Marissa swore.

"Fine," said Rodimus.

"Suit yourself." said Lancer. They headed for the kitchen, leaving Marissa and Magnus in identical states of frustration.

Continued in: Conversations in a Kitchen 2


End file.
